NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Vice President Kamala Harris was, despite never having once worked in the private sector, tasked by the Biden Administration with giving a speech on small business and entrepreneurship. Doing so, she decided to promote selling crack cocaine, presumably after being informed of its profit margins by Hunter Biden. Beginning the speech, she said:
So, let me start by saying it is wonderful to be back in Nevada. And, Chef Jeff, I want to thank you for so warmly welcoming us and sharing with us the success of your dream of investing in the community and the capacity of everyone. I’ve been reading about and hearing about the work that you are doing here for quite some time, so it’s been my joy to be here in person.
I do believe in a very fundamental principle — and it transcends religions, but it is an age-old concept — and it is the concept of redemption, which is the notion and the understanding that all people will make a mistake. And, yes, there must be accountability, especially when it involves the commission of a crime, when it involves anything that might hurt another person; of course, there must be accountability. But is it not the sign of a civil society to allow people the ability to come back and earn their way back?
And so, when I look at the spirit, I believe, behind the work that is happening here and the work that should be happening everywhere, it is about understanding that all people have some skill or gift or capacity to do good things. And often, it is a function of whether we as a society put the resources into that possibility. Do we and are we committed to access — meaningful access to opportunity for all people? And that is the beauty of the work that is happening here and in many other places, and especially because of the Administrator and who — we have, in Administrator Guzman, the ability to understand, through the SBA, how we can make these opportunities real, in terms of giving businesses like this one access to capital to then create access to opportunity for all the young leaders who are here.
Continuing, she added, “And just think, young leaders, about all the opportunities there are. So many great ways to make a living as a small business owner! There are so many things you can do…like…ummm, well, I’ve been focused on important political things so I don’t know about that many different business opportunities. But I know for a fact that there are lots!”
“Like just think about selling crack! That I know about, indirectly. Supply has never been cheaper thanks to the gobs and gobs of it coming across the border. But the ummm…demand is steady…see, I know economics, so you can still sell it for a lot if you pound the pavement and find some buyers! Now, I’m not going to tell you to sell crack. But there are things like it with good profit margins.”