NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Kamala Harris, the Vice President who somehow has even fewer functioning brain cells than the senile president, was just in Baltimore for a speech on “crime prevention.” Predictably, the speech was a disaster, with Kamala first rambling on about nonsense and then deciding to reveal that Team Biden wants to “abolish jail.” Kicking the speech off with rambling nonsense, she said:
Because the work of community work and, in particular, violence intervention, is about investing in the community, understanding our capacity, understanding the greatness, and then being motivated with that knowledge to do what we can to reduce harm, but not for the sake only of reducing harm but in- — investing in the potential and the greatness. That is the essence of this work.
I want to thank the governor of Maryland, Governor Moore — for his leadership. Wes Moore and I have had so many conversations about this work, and I know he’s going to replicate this in a big old way in Maryland and — and put everybody to shame in terms of showing what states can do when you have people at the top who understand, again, the capacity and the brilliance that is in the community. And it just takes the resources to support the good work to make it real. So, I thank everybody who is here for all that you have done and, in particular, the graduates. Where are the graduates? There we are, right here. The inaugural class — the inaugural class. Look at this.
So, this is, I — I would say, an historic day — because these role models, being the inaugural class to graduate, are going to now be the ones who can show folks how it gets done. You know, the thing about being a role model — it’s a room full of role models, right? — people watch what you do, to say, “Okay, that’s how you achieve success. And if that’s being done there, I’m inspired by their life story and how they did it, and I’m going to do the same thing, because now what people perhaps had never seen before can be seen to know what’s possible.”
Continuing, she added, “So, we know that violence is bad. Criminal violence is bad because it’s violence. That’s what Joe and I believe. We also believe that, ummm, well state violence applied against innocent people of color is bad. We are firmly against that. We are! And we think that is criminal violence too. And because criminal violence is bad, we umm. Well, crime violence is bad, which is why we’re abolishing jail!”
She then said, “That means we are taking on the epidemic of racist policing, racist sentencing, and racist judges! We are. No more jail! No more bail. Well, for normal people who have been unjustly accused of crimes. Trump, his cronies, Daniel Penny…people like that deserve to be locked up for good so we’re going to make sure they’re locked up!”