NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following the high-profile FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence, Nancy Pelosi tried to add some humor to the situation by posting a video on Instagram of her making a drink she called a “cool ya off vodka,” which was approximately 16 oz of vodka with a singular ice cube and a quick splash of lemonade.
Sipping the concoction while eating some special gelato out of the freezer she showed off during Covid, Nance quickly got drunk and went on a long ramble about how she’ll have no one to get drunk with if her husband is sent to jail for his DUI and is locked away. Though unlikely, she seemed worried about it and kept rambling endlessly.
While the internet found that part of the video funny, by far the part that drew the most scorn and attention was the caption she posted to the video, which was “don’t worry about the FBI raid, raid the liquor cabinet instead!”
She refused to take the video down despite pleas from more sober (literally, she was quite drunk after two of the ‘cool ya off vodka’ drinks) Democrat officials, who recognized it as a bad move, defending her posting it by saying that the “cool ya off vodka” drink “wasn’t meant to cool people off after a long summer day,” as otherwise she “would have dropped two ice cubes in it,” but rather that it was to get people inebriated and help them “cool off” metaphorically after the raid.
In that, she was certainly smarter than the rest of the Democrat leadership, which went all in on highlighting the raid and claiming that it was necessary and Trump must be locked up for his “crimes” against “our democracy”, something that many observers argue could lead to civil war, or at least bloodshed of the sort seen in Bleeding Kansas.
Nancy then followed up that original “raiding the liquor cabinet” video the next night, this time bringing on Jen “Make a Margarita” Psaki to talk about how making a stiff, liquor-based drink when upset can help calm things down. They’ve apparently never seen a bar fight.
Jen did share an interesting margarita recipe, however, showing how she makes the margs a night ahead of time and then drops in jalapenos, a pinch of salt, and a few limes to add extra flavor about 12 hours before she expects to be drinking. She then strains the mixture so that the flavor from the additions is imparted on the drink but none of the pieces of lime or jalapeno find their way into a glass.
Pelosi seemed to like the drink, as she had seven of them while yelling at Americans to “cool off” and stop fighting over a raid.