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DA Alvin Bragg Attempts to Intimidate Political Opposition By Claiming They’re Attempting to “Intimidate Political Opposition”

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    DA Alvin Bragg is the Soros-funded DA behind the Trump indictment. He plans to arrest Trump on Tuesday and, so far, at least, isn’t backing down. He said, in a statement to his staff,

    “Our law enforcement partners will ensure that any specific or credible threats against the office will be fully investigated and that the proper safeguards are in place so all 1,600 of us have a secure work environment.”

    Continuing, he added, “as with all of our investigations, we will continue to apply the law evenly and fairly, and speak publicly only when appropriate.

    But that wasn’t all. Continuing, he added that he would intimidate his political opponents to ensure that they won’t be able to intimidate their political opponents, saying:

    “Now look here, this is what we gotta do: we got make those Republicans so scared, so afraid to act, that they won’t do anything in response. We gotta keep them afraid, we’ve got to keep them silent, we’ve got to keep them from fighting back or striking back. Is that intimidating them, is that intimidating our political opponents? Sure. But it’s necessary to save our Democracy. We have to intimidate our political opponents to ensure that they can’t intimidate us, as we’re their political opponents. And if our democracy requires it, we have to be willing to do it.”

    President Joe Biden was asked about Bragg’s call for attacks on the political enemies of Democrats while walking to Marine Force One. Instead of disavowing the tyrant’s call for banana republic-like tactics, Biden agreed with Bragg, saying:

    “Well I think that nice fellow makes a good point. I mean, well, the bad orange man is very bad and orange. He did some mean things, isn’t a good guy, and really needs to go! Get my point, Jack? Heck, this is important. So yeah, we gotta do whatever we gotta do to get the bad orange man as far away from office as possible, it’s just that simple. That’s what Jill and her friend George Soros told me, so you know it’s the truth! And heck, I saw lots of references to our democracy in his statement, and I think that’s just the most important thing there is. Ain’t nothing more important than democracy.”

    Biden was then asked why he was discussing democracy when America is supposed to be a republic. He responded by calling the reporter who asked that “racist,” saying: “look here, Jack, I don’t wanna hear any more of that racist nonsense from ya. Democracy is anti-racist and republicans are racist. It’s just that simple and anyone who says otherwise is a dog-face pony-soldier spewing malarkey.”

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