*Note: This Article Is Satire*
In a bold move hailed as “the only way to save democracy,” Democrats have unveiled a comprehensive plan that experts are calling “beautifully tyrannical.” The strategy includes jailing former President Trump, stacking the Supreme Court with staunch marxists, ending the Electoral College, and censoring any speech that doesn’t praise the plan as “the best thing since sliced bread.”
“Yeah, we know Trump is popular, but he is super mean on the internet, you know? We just can’t allow that. It’s much easier to just ban him from the ballot and jail him,” said one Democrat leader.
“We’ve realized that the path to a true democracy is making sure nobody disagrees with us,” added another spokesperson, while updating their Twitter bio to include “Defender of Free Speech*.” The asterisk, they clarified, leads to a footnote that simply states, “Terms and conditions apply.”
The plan also proposes a new Supreme Court selection process, involving a reality TV show titled “So You Think You Can Judge?” where America votes for their favorite legal minds based on how many clubs they joined during their time at liberal arts colleges, because “that’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted,” the spokesperson added.
In a move to ensure the sanctity of elections, the Democrats suggest replacing the outdated Electoral College with a national “Rock, Paper, Scissors” contest. “It’s more inclusive and really gets to the heart of American decision-making,” noted an enthusiastic strategist.
As the plan unfolds, Americans are left pondering the future of democracy, or as one critic put it, “We’re just one giant leap away from legislating mandatory applause for government announcements. Democracy saved, indeed.”