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Democrats Demand National Athem Be Changed to “Better Reflect Modern America”, Trump Suggests Replacing it with “FJB” Chant

    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Determined to replace everything in America that existed before wokeness became a thing, Democrats are now demanding that the National Anthem be replaced with something “less racist” that “better reflects the feelings and values of a modern, diverse America.”

    Nancy Pelosi, making that demand in front of the Smithsonian’s Museum of African-American History, said:

    The National Anthem is racist, reactionary, and outdated. It’s well past its prime and needs to be replaced as soon as is possible with something less racist that better reflects the feelings and values of a modern, diverse America that welcomes people of every nationality and creed, except for white men, conservatives, or Christians, of course.

    “We do not care what it is replaced with, though whatever is chosen as a replacement should be very diverse and reflect the values of the current American populace.”

    Trump called in to FNC’s Hannity to joke about that and suggest a replacement, saying:

    You know, lots and lots of people are saying this. You wouldn’t believe how many. Really, I tell ya, they’re saying that they want a new anthem, something fresh and more in tune with the current moment.

    “I mean, I’m a yuge fan of the old one. Very big. Not sure I agree with these people that want a new one, though I can see where they’re coming from. We’re friends with the Brits now, even if that Boris guy was a bozo. They do have some very bad policies and were not friendly to me, though the queen was quite nice. So maybe it’s not so relevant, since they’re our friends. I don’t know, maybe.

    “But if we’re going to have a new one, it needs to be replaced with something that really sums up how America feels right now. And let me tell you, Sean, the American people aren’t happy right now. They were very happy under Trump. Everyone was doing very well, it was beautiful. Not now! Not with Sleepy Joe in charge, that’s for sure.

    “So, to reflect that, we need to replace it, and this is if we do replace it, with just an FJB chant. That’s how people feel, lots and lots of very beautiful people, it’s what they’re saying, Sean. So that’s what we need. I think an FJB anthem would be very appropriate and show how people feel about everything.

    “But hey, I’m all for keeping it the same. I like tradition very much, it’s beautiful, very beautiful. But FJB would be a good replacement.

    Hannity then started laughing hysterically while Trump continued on, bouncing between keeping it the same and creating an “FJB anthem.”

    The White House issued a statement saying that it planned on keeping the anthem the same, but a petition signed by 5 million Americans was still forwarded to the White House demanding that it explore the possibility of an FJB chant.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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