NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Taking action to try and get Herschel Walker booted to the curb in the final moments of the Georgia Senate runoff race and ensure that Warnock was able to keep GA blue, in the Senate, at least, the far-left radicals in the Democratic party decided to pull a party trick out of their “I’m with Her” hats: the handed out Warnock-branded crack pipes to Atlanta’s many crackheads to get the final few votes needed.
Announcing the strategy on Twitter, the DNC said: “In Atlanta and looking for a Tuesday pick me up? Then come swing by any corner in downtown, and we’ve got a surprise for you: a safe smoking kit that’ll give you just what you need to get you amped up to run to the polls and addicted to voting! We can’t wait to see you stop by!”
Included with the tweet was an image of one of the safe smoking kits, in which were seven rubber bands, three gauze patches, four safety wipes, a couple of napkins, a Bic lighter, a metal spoon, and a metal crackpipe with Warnock’s face stamped on the bowl and his name inscribed on the stem.
Warnock retweeted the post from the DNC and added a bit of commentary of his own, saying, “What the people want is what the people need, and we’re here to deliver 24/7”.
The nail-biter of a race will, as a result of the “crackheads to the polls by giving them more crack” strategy, likely come down to whether more Georgians who are conservative but sickened by Walker hold their noses and vote for him or whether more crackheads were lured into voting by a Hansel and Gretel like a trail of crack crumbs sprinkled by 23-year-old sociology majors and 400-pound cat aunts with nose rings and bad attitudes.
Walker, for his part, called the Democrat strategy “racist,” saying, “If anything could show that Democrats are the real racists it’s this: trying to stir up more blacks in the city of Atlanta to vote, all they could do is offer them crack. They’re no different than the assholes at the CIA that flooded our communities with crack in the 1980s, though we have HW Bush to thank for that.”
Trump, capitalizing on Herschel’s connecting the crack program to the Bush family, tweeted for the first time since he was booted off in January of 2021, saying, “Unless you want HUNTER BIDEN and JEB! BUSH handing your kid crack, all you Georgians need to head to the polls RIGHT NOW AND VOTE. NOT ONLY ARE THEY CHEATING, but also they’re GIVING THUGS CRACK TO VOTE DEMOCRAT. Stop the Steal 2022!”