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Democrats Hire Pablo Escobar, el Chapo to Teach Them How to Intimidate Judges

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Democrats have so far proven ineffective in their attempts to intimidate the Supreme Court’s conservative majority into voting against Alito’s decision to overturn Roe and return the issue of abortion to the states.

    Rather, all their threatening protesting outside the homes of those justices has so far done is strengthen their resolve to vote as they see fit rather than in a way that the blue-haired crazies outside their homes want.

    But that might not be the case for long, as Democrats have reportedly hired two drug lords, Pablo Escobar and El Chapo, both of whom are somehow alive and out of jail, with it reportedly being body-doubles of the Escobar-Chapo duo that were killed and arrested, respectively.

    Speaking on the decision to hire the two men, the Democrat Senate Majority Leader, Chuck Schumer, said:

    We decided that there can be no surrender, can be no backing down, on the issue of killing babies. We think it is important that women kill their babies and so will do whatever it takes to protect that right and ensure that they can do so. Whatever the right throws at us we will block, whatever opening they give us we will exploit in this war for the right to murder infants. 

    “For that reason, we have decided to grant immunity to El Chapo and Pablo Escobar. We will allow the two men to travel from their hidden jungle palaces to America, where we will consult with them on how to properly intimidate a judge and get said judge to vote how we want.

    A Democrat staffer, speaking on the condition of anonymity so as to avoid being targeted by the cartel-like kill squad that Schumer and Pelosi are standing up to protect abortion, said:

    You think these protests, this one assassination attempt, have been bad? Get ready, brother, because a storm is coming. A storm of lead, that is. Schumer and Pelosi aren’t messing around anymore. They’re furious. Furious about the abortion thing, furious that Biden is such a disappointment, furious that the protests and such haven’t led the GOP to back down, as they hoped would be the case. 

    “And so they’re really uping the ante, at least based on the strategy documents I’ve seen. Now you won’t just see them tacitly encouraging Antifa, prodding that attempted assassin to act, you’ll see stuff straight out of cartel land. Million-dollar bribes, raids on the homes of judges by Israeli-trained hit teams, car bombs ripping through neighborhoods in which opposition judges live, all of that crap out of Mexico and Columbia is coming to America.”

    Apparently, Chuck Schumer really meant it when he said the right would “reap the whirlwind” if it dared to get rid of abortion; he’s brought a whirlwind of violence to America to get what he wants politically, consequences or Civl War be damned.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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