NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Joe Biden is 80 years old, and so has many views and thoughts that Americans on his side of the aisle are well past finding acceptable. But, because he is old and mentally infirm, he often lets them slip out anyway, much to the delight of conservatives and fury of his party.
Such was the case again recently, with the president having a disastrously bad meeting with “Latino leaders” at the White House. Though his administration tried to make it sound like a roaring success, the truth soon leaked out and showed it was anything but. In its statement on the meeting, the Biden White House said:
On Wednesday, Biden-Harris Administration officials convened over 40 members of the National Alliance of Latino Community Development Financial Institutions (CDFI) from across the country to discuss President Biden’s Investing in America agenda to ensure economic prosperity for Latino communities and advance equity through the American Rescue Plan.
Administration officials and Latino CDFI executives applauded the President’s Bidenomics plan and the investments in underserved Latino communities through efforts that include reducing barriers for Latino businesses to receive federal funding, providing services to support rural communities, increasing capital investment and securing training for CDFIs to better achieve their stated goals. Administration officials reiterated their equity action plans that each agency will be producing to best serve all Americans.
The Latino CDFI executives shared personal stories to emphasize the Administration’s historic investments in transforming the country and prioritizing communities that have too often been left behind. The group agreed to continue to collaborating to best serve Latino communities going forward.
But then the truth came out about what happened. An anonymous “leader” from the meeting told us, “Yeah, so it was really boring, but not really a disaster. Just the usual photo op for him while we waited to find out what hassle we were going to have to go through to get whatever money or whatever was being offered. A waste of time for everyone, but not really a big deal.”
“Then Biden woke up from his nap, he had been snoring, and looked around. Dude was bewildered, it was hilarious. You could also tell he had no interest in being in a room, much less a meeting with us, and he kept sniffing, probably smelling by buddy’s cologne, and glaring at us. It was hilarious.”
“Next he tried making conversation, so he turned to this one guy, the one he had been sniffing, and asked, ‘So tell me, Poncho, do you know Pablo? Like the guy with all the hookers and drugs? He and Hunter would get along great!’ He was obviously joking, as he smiled and smirked the whole time, but we all knew we’d get more benefits or whatever if we pretended to be offended, so the meeting turned into a disaster and we got more free cash. Not gonna lie though, it was pretty funny.”