NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
What’s woke Disney doing to fight back against the “racist” Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the current abortion regime and return the issue of abortion to the states, as used to be the case?
It announced, in a press conference only rivaled for air time by the orgies of violence taking place around the country, that it would be “fighting the decision in the cultural realm” by “inserting an abortion scene” into the next Star Wars movie.
According to a press release fired off by the woke company shortly after the brief press conference, the scene will show a woman who “wants to work for the rebel alliance as a fighter pilot” but is “unable to do so because of her pregnancy and traditional gender norms that the Galactic Empire created and enforced.”
So, to be able to fight against the evil empire, the character will have a medical droid perform “a safe and legal” abortion, after which she will be “congratulated by all members of the Rebel Alliance for her bravery in standing up against the patriarchy and for the Rebel Alliance, which stands firmly for the right to an abortion, whatever the pregnancy term or other factors.”
Trump, firing off a message on Truth Social following the press conference and release, said:
“These baby killers at Disney are making Darth Vader look like the good guy! Perhaps the Death Start could blow up Planet Planned Parenthood!”
DeSantis, meanwhile, not only had the Florida legislature pass a law making abortion legal, but also decided to make it illegal for any company within Florida’s borders to “agitate in favor of the murder of infants.”
Trump is offering legal and financial help to Florida in fighting Disney, and has also encouraged his supporters to “boycott Disney to save children from being murdered”, which has led to yet another fight over Q Anon and conspiracies.
DeSantis accepted the financial help and pledged to use it to “fight to the bitter end” against wokeness, though he also indicated that victory was likely.
Disney was then hit with a charge under the new law for not retracting the press conference, and Florida’s new State Guard showed up to shut down the parks and escort Disney out of the state. The situation has turned into an already massive legal battle.
Biden, watching the situation with confusion, asked why the “Florida guy” was “killing StarTrek”, but then lost interest and went back to mumbling about the best practices for bicycle safety during a rambling NSC meeting.
Where the Florida-Disney fight will go is unclear, but investors have fled the company in even greater numbers now that it’s in an even bigger and potentially more catastrophic fight with the Florida government and GOP.