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Dozens Die in What CNN Calls a “Mostly Peaceful Protest”

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Early Friday morning, the city of Memphis braced for protests after police beat someone to death, as the BBC reported, saying:

    The city of Memphis is bracing for the release on Friday of a video of an arrest that led to a motorist’s death.

    Tyre Nichols, 29, died days after the 7 January encounter with five ex-police officers who now face murder charges.

    Bodycam video of the incident shows the officers “defied humanity” in their interactions with Nichols, the city’s police chief said.

    “You’re going to see a disregard for human life,” Memphis Police Chief Cerelyn Davis told CNN.

    The video of the incident is scheduled to be released in four separate clips on Friday evening local time.

    Ms Davis and an attorney for the family both likened the video to 1991 footage of Los Angeles police officers beating black motorist Rodney King, an event that caused outrage around the world and forced reforms in the LAPD.

    Well, morning turned to afternoon and the mild buzz of a mid-morning 40 oz drink turned into a vicious afternoon mood for the dozens of BLM activists drinking and waiting for the call from Antifa that it was time to begin the day’s “mostly peaceful protest.”

    Thanks to that drunkenness among members of the crowd,  that gathered to protest Nichols’ death, the actually peaceful part of the protest was skipped and things went straight to what CNN called “mostly peaceful.”

    The CNN newscaster making that claim was, when she made it, standing in front of a pile of burning police vehicles that two riot police officers had been crucified on. In the background of the video, a BLM “protester” could be seen firing a fully automatic handgun into the window of a local store. He then jumped in and disappeared for a moment before leaving with three boxes of Nike shoes and a carton of cigarettes.

    Meanwhile, violence flared across the city as protesters made their anti-violence feelings violently known. By midafternoon, the Memphis Police Department reported that $400 million in damage had been done by the “mostly peaceful protester” and that 29 people had died, including 12 police officers.

    CNN stood by its “mostly peaceful” coverage despite the mockery directed its way online. Brian Stelter, called back in for emergency service, said that “well, most of the protesters are being peaceful…it’s just a few bad apples that are trying to ruin things for everybody. In fact, we have it on good authority that only 20% of the protesters have committed any sort of violent act so far.”

    CNN then cut to footage of a man using the water fountain in the Capitol on January 6th and demanded that Seal Team 6 hunt him down for “attacking democracy”.

    By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1

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