NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things got exceptionally awkward at the White House on Monday evening, as President Joe Biden was jointly giving a speech alongside his significantly less senile wife, “Dr.” Jill Biden. It would have been bad enough on its own, but things got way worse when one attendee keeled over from a heart attack and Biden started yelling that his wife is a doctor (she has an advanced education degree, she is not a medical doctor).
The incident occurred when Biden began speaking about the state of healthcare across the government, particularly in what the government will now be doing thanks to an executive order he is signing. Describing that, he said:
Well, folks, I’m going to be signing a presidential memorandum in just a minute here to establish the first-ever White House Initiative on Women’s Health Research. It’s an effort made possible by Jill, who’s been a long champion of women’s health, and Jen Klein, Dr. Mazure, Maria Shriver, and others.
Because the fact is that it requires all of government — not just NIH, but HHS, the VA, the Defense Department, and every agency in the government having anything to do with health — it requires them to come up with a report to me — for me that lays out what they can do collectively to improve women’s health.
Women make up more than half the population. But for too long, they’ve been underrepresented when it comes to health research and the money spent on that research. That’s going to change today. So, this — signing this, I’m setting up this group that within 45 days, all the government agencies that have anything to do with health have to report on exactly what they’re doing now with regard to women’s health and the suggestions they may have on how to deal with it. So, let me sign now this and make it official, and then yield to Jill. Well, let — Jill, I’m going to yield to you first.
That’s when one member of the crowd, a portly member of the press, keeled over. Clutching at his chest and writhing on the ground, he made it reasonably obvious that he was suffering from a heart attack. That then led a member of the audience to cry out, “is anyone a doctor?!”
Dr. Jill halfway raised her hand, then slowly lowered it, looked elsewhere, and started slowly moving away. Despite the tragedy of the situation, that led to a serous case of snickers from the crowd, including a barely audible laugh from the man having the heart attack, who was aware enough of his surroundings to realize what Dr. Jill did.
That then led to Biden screaming at the crowd, including the man dying of a heart attack right in front of him, furious that it wasn’t taking his wife’s degree seriously. “Dr. Jill’s a real doctor!” Biden yelled, as Dr. Jill left without rendering any aid, not even a call for help.