NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things got awkward when Bill Gates and Elon Musk saw each other at the Met Gala the other night.
Their interaction started off poorly from the start, mainly because of Elon’s joke that Bill Gates looks like a pregnant man, a joke inspired by Bill Gates’s odd current look, the left’s insane drift toward wokeness, and Gates’ refusal to stop shorting Tesla despite it being the main company producing electric vehicles that consumers want.
in case u need to lose a boner fast pic.twitter.com/fcHiaXKCJi
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 23, 2022
Well, things went from faux pas to fisticuffs relatively quickly after Elon, having pounded down a few margaritas made with the special, Tesla-branded tequila that he produces (it comes in a cool looking lightning bolt bottle), decided to pick up with the joke to go after Bill, who was awkwardly snacking on some chocolate covered bugs that he’d brought from home while everyone around him ate canapes.
Musk, polishing off his drink, shouted:
“Hey, pregnant man, are those bugs gonna give your baby enough nutrition? Wouldn’t want it looking like you: weird as f***.”
Gates glowered but, out of energy because he’d only consumed plants, bugs, and poop water for months, decided against defending his honor from Elon’s insults.
So, Elon, grabbing a random glass of champagne off a waiter’s tray, stumbled over to Gates and said “Yo, prego amigo, you worried about the abortion decision? I mean, with whatever bun you’ve got in that oven, it has to be a concern!”
Gates, at that point, had had enough. He threw his yogurt-covered roaches on the floor, tossed his glass of poop water in Elon’s face, and then started sobbing uncontrollably.
Elon, ducking under the foul-smelling water and letting is smash onto an actress behind him, washing off many of her layers of makeup and making her look even less attractive, then pounced on Gates and hit him with a flurry of jabs followed by a roundhouse kick that he later said he learned from Joe Rogan.
His mother, there at the event with him, rushed over to see if he was okay.
Everyone else, not wanting to risk getting kicked off of Twitter, silently wandered away and left Bill Gates sprawled on the ground, where he cried that the CO2 emitted by the heavier breathing during the incident was enough to raise global temperatures .00000000000000000000000000000000000000001 degree Fahrenheit in a millennium.
He later got up, grabbed his bag of roaches, and silently wandered off to the bar, where he had a shot of sustainably produced vodka (or so the waiter told him. It was really just normal vodka). He was later seen and heard sobbing uncontrollably in the bathroom, both about his humiliation and that minuscule climate shift.
Musk, asked about the fight afterward, said that the real tragedy was that we wasn’t yet in total control of Twitter, so some people might be kicked off, for now, for jokes they made about Bill Gates and his creepy projects. He then went back to this Tesla tequila.