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Elon Offers Chris Wallace Job, Fires Him Immediately in Cruel Joke [SATIRE]

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Elon decided to play yet another joke on the woke establishment Thursday afternoon, taking to Twitter to mess with former Fox News host and soon-to-be-former CNN host Chris Wallace, offering him a job at Twitter as a Twitter live host.

    Not really knowing what that meant but needing a job and unable to find one anywhere else, Wallace agreed to the job offer so long as, in addition to his salary, he received a new pair of horn-rimmed glasses and WASPy-looking ties that might have been popular in 1978.

    Elon quickly agreed, shocked that the up-tight host would agree to the offer so quickly, but glad that he hadn’t had to waste too much time on the faux negotiation.

    Wallace then showed up at Twitter headquarters and asked Elon what his job would entail, what the terms of his contract were, and other details.

    Elon, barely able to suppress or stifle his laughter and seeing those in the know being similarly close to cracking up, made a quick joke so that everyone could laugh. While Wallace was a bit surprised by the laughter, he chuckled too, then asked his question again.

    Keeping it together, Elon suggested that Wallace do one show on the new Twitter live service to impress them all, and that they could sign the contract afterward.

    Sensing a trap but unable to back away, Wallace agreed to the idea and started his Twitter live “show”, which was him just talking into a microphone and hoping that people would listen.

    Unfortunately for him, none did. Well, “none” might be too harsh. Approximately 7 people total tuned into the show, most of whom left within 15 seconds.

    Laughing hysterically at Wallace’s failure, Elon told him to leave and that they’d just hire a homeless person for the position.

    To rub salt in the wound, Elon actually did that, and the homeless guy, a former DJ, did quite well, drawing in hundreds of thousands of listeners that liked to hear his schizophrenic ramblings and random life stories.

    Tweeting about the whole thing later, Elon said, in a hilarious thread:

    So here’s what happened, guys. We jokingly hired that up-tight guy from Fox and CNN for some made-up position, offering him whatever nonsense he wanted to come aboard. All he wanted was a new pair of glasses and some terrible ties! 

    “Then he actually showed up, thinking it was a real job offer!” Elon posted a series of laughing emojis before continuing, saying “yeah, he really showed up.”

    “And hell, we didn’t know what to do, so we had him start talking and like no one listened. Even a homeless guy did better! Way better, in fact. We gave Wallace’s job to him.

    “So, next time you think about listening to Wallace, just remember that some schizo from off the streets is better at his job than he is

    Wallace, humiliated, declined to respond. Trump joke that he might soon be homeless given his obvious lack of talent, and that maybe that experience would help him out.

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