NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
No wonder former President Trump got so mad when the FBI raided his house: turns out, it wasn’t just that the goons were rifling through his things, tearing his office apart, and potentially planting evidence on him.
No, as if all that weren’t enough, they also did their best to humiliate him and his gorgeous wife, Melania Trump, breaking into their bedroom and invading their privacy, tossing everything about while searching for those “documents” that Trump had declassified while president.
Absurd stuff, but it gets worse: not only did the creepy FBI agents prowl around Trump’s bedroom and look through his things, but in an absolutely disgusting turn of events, it turns out that they were also sniffing through Melania’s underwear.
News on that comes both from an amateur photographer who happened to capture the moment with his camera and from a source inside the agency.
The anonymous FBI agent that told us about the incident said:
“Yeah, I mean, it’s pretty messed up. Like, I thought we were there to do good work and so I was all onboard and ready to start, like, you know…trying to find whatever illegal things Trump was up to. I was a patriot and thought he had, like, taken home nuclear secrets that we needed to recover.
“Maybe someone was doing that, but not me. I was sent to trash his bedroom with a few other guys and gals on the force, something I thought was highly inappropriate and was more than a bit uncomfortable with, like rooting around in the former president’s bedroom. It felt much more like we were in the Stasi, trying to intimidate political opponents, and much less like we were in America’s premier law enforcement agency. I got very uncomfortable.
“But wait: it gets, like, way worse. Not only were we hanging around in the bedroom far longer than would have been appropriate in the best of situations, but we also had this one creep with us, a guy whose name I can’t say, and he was like sniffing Melania’s underwear. It was really weird, really creepy, and not something that I was at all, in any way, a fan of. Like what weirdo would do that?”
That story was verified with a photo captured by a local photographer named Greg Allsphlat. He was there to take images of the FBI on the raid, having gotten the gig by pretending to be a far-left radical, and happened to see the gaggle of six or so agents run up to Trump’s bedroom.
Not allowed to follow them but knowing he could get some good shots, Greg backed up about 50 yards and was able to take an image straight through one of the windows that the idiot agents had left open, catching one of a creepy looking, middle age agent sniffing Melania’s underwear.
The agency has so far tried to tamp down on the story, but it has outraged even more Americans than the original raid did.