NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Another day, another embarrassing Biden gaffe. This time that took place in Finland, where Biden appeared for a speech with the Finnish President and ended up humiliating himself by making a comment about Hunter Biden that many think indicates Hunter is at fault for the cocaine found in the White House.
Beginning, he mumbled and rambled his way through a long speech on NATO and Finnish participation in it, saying:
No, I mean it sincerely, because we had — we launched your ratification process — the fastest it’s occurred in modern history. The fastest ratification period in modern history. You may remember my telling you — I said to our friend in the east that he wants the Finlandization of NATO; well, you’re going to get the NATO-ization of Finland.
But all kidding aside, you know, you’re — you’ve been a great partner. We’re great allies. And, you know, Finland and the United States — I think we’re stronger together. And I really mean that. You’ve been an incredible asset to NATO and to the world. The — and the main reason is we have the same value set. I really mean that. It really matters. And, you know, we’re deepening our defense cooperation to ensure that — the security of our people as we modernize your air force with the F-35 aircraft, which you already had.
And together, we’re standing for shared democratic values. That’s what it’s all about. I really think — and you’re very gracious and kind to give me credit for unity at — at NATO. But I think it’s — I’ve been doing this a long time; I don’t think NATO has ever been stronger. And we had a — a very, very — I had a very good, long meeting with Zelenskyy, who ended up being very happy, and met with his military people. And I think there’s a — I — it’s a different era in the nature of our relationship and bringing along Sweden as well. It makes a gigantic difference. So, I’m anxious to continue to work with you.
That’s when he got to the Hunter comment. “And lemme tell ya something else, Hunter wants to work here too. Hunter loves the ‘snow,’ heha. Loves it. Can’t get away from it. And from what I’ve seen in winter and…ummm…the cold, it is, there’s uhhh, well a lot of nice snow around here for uhhhh snow enjoyers. And that’s the truth. Got it, Jack?”
“Mr. President,” a reporter shouted out. “Are you admitting that it is Hunter Biden that brought cocaine into the White House? Is that what the ‘snow’ you are referring to is? Or are you referring just to the frozen water?”
Biden stared at the reporter, swaying back and forth slightly, and then turned on his heels and walked off stage as the Secret Service and Finnish President followed him. Dr. Jill could be seen berating him in the president’s SUV later.