NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such
President Joe Biden recently traveled to Vietnam for…some sort of state visit that would keep him from making a fool of himself back home in America and give him time to relax on vacation without having to admit that he was on yet another weekend jaunt instead of working.
So he traveled to Vietnam and gave a bizarre speech that started with his comments on an earthquake in Morocco and ended with him rambling about the Vietnam War and its flight from the country when the going got tough. Beginning, he said:
And his admini- — my administration — including Secretary of State Blinken, who is here with me today — is working with Moroccan officials on long distance here. We’re working expeditiously to ensure American citizens in Morocco are safe, standing ready to provide any necessary assistance to the Moroccan people as well. We’ve made that offer.
Now, turning to the important visit here in Vietnam. As the General Secretary and I just shared earlier today, this trip has been a historic moment. Today, we can trace 50-year — a 50-year arc of progress in the relationship between our nations from conflict to normalization. This is a new elevated status that will be a force for prosperity and security in one of the most consequential regions in the world. We’ve elevated our cooperation directly to the Vietnamese’s highest tier of partnership, referred to as the Comprehensive Strategic Partnership. That means the United States has strengthened our ties with another critical Indo-Pacific partner.
Our progress today builds on the Camp David trilateral with Japan and — and the Republic of Korea and the United States; the Comprehensive Strategic Partnership the United States launched with — with ASEAN last year; and the engagement with Pacific Islands — with the Pacific Islands Forum; our strengthened alliances with the Philippines; and AUKUS partnership with Australia and the United Kingdom; our elevated Quad engagement with India, Australia, and Japan; and the Indo-Pacific Economic Framework for Prosperity; and all the effort we’ve advanced from day one of my administration to demonstrate to our Indo-Pacific partners and to the world that the United States is a Pacific nation, and we’re not going anywhere.
That’s when his comments on the Vietnam War came up. He said. “Well, I guess that’s what we told people in the uhhh, the South of here before. I was around then, you know. In the Senate, actually. Anyways, Jack, ummm…well, we said we weren’t going anywhere. No how. But then we did. Had the helicopter landing on the uhhh, the uhhh, the building. Don’t ya know it, the same thing happened in Afghanistan! Said we were staying then the same sort of helicopter landed on the same flat roof. But we’ve learned, Jack! We got this. We couldn’t beat y’all, we couldn’t beat the Taliban, but trust us, Jack, we’re gonna beat China. And that’s a fact.”