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FBI Announces that It Won’t Investigate Hunter “Because He’s a Democrat”

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Recent revelations of what exactly it was that Hunter Biden has been up to for years now, from smoking crack to acting like a pedo, particularly with his niece Natalie, have Republicans and even some Democrats frothing at the mouth and demanding that he be investigated.

    As someone who has obviously bought illegal drugs (funnily enough the same drugs that Biden demanded stricter sentences for), hired prostitutes from Russian sex trafficking rings (with money he received from Joe), and gotten creepy with young girls (like his father, who makes a few appearances doing creepy things in Ashley Biden’s diary), it would make sense that the FBI might want to investigate him and see what he was up to.

    And that’s before all the China, Russia, and Ukraine stuff is taken into account, all of which makes it that much more imperative that the FBI look into what Hunter Biden was up to.

    Or, at least, that would make sense in a just, reasonable society. But that’s not what America is. It’s…the exact opposite, one where lunatics on the left, whether they be riotous members of Antifa or drug-using creeps like Hunter Biden, can get away with whatever they want while right-wingers are investigated and locked up for relatively minor offenses that pale in comparison to what the left has been up to.

    And now the FBI is coming out and making that explicit, with Christopher Wray giving a press conference on the Hunter Biden situation and saying:

    “Sure, what Hunter did might not seem like good choices to all of us. Heck, a few of us might have even seen videos of him doing illegal things that were very wrongly and irresponsibly leaked by right-wing trolls and Nazis on 4chan.

    “But we will not be investigating him. Why? It’s simple. Because he’s a Democrat. He’s a liberal. He’s one of us. We’re not going to waste resources on investigating a Democrat like Hunter when there are Republicans out there that aren’t locked up in a dungeon in DC. Sure, Hunter might have been wrong to do what he did, particularly when it came to smoking certain rocks and engaging in consensual activities with certain Russian women, activities that might be illegal in the US. But he’s a Democrat. So he won’t be investigated.”

    Meanwhile, Trump and Michael Flynn were seen jaywalking in Florida while chatting and walking around near Mar-a-Lago and the FBI sent a 95 person task force to investigate him for breaking the law and endangering his fellow citizens, with the agents only being stopped from arresting him in a no-knock warrant by local police forces, which reacted with horror to seeing federal thugs come for President Trump.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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