NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
The FBI has gone full Stasi in tactics and targets, using its veritable army of agents to hunt down, intimidate, and arrest Trump supporters that it has any legal cover for tossing in the back of a van and then confining in some lonely prison cell in the bowels of a Democrat-controlled dungeon.
At first, it stuck to only doing that to people caught on video breaking into the Capitol on January 6th, but now has started tossing dozens of people who were merely in the crowd outside the Capitol on January 6th, wanting to meet its quota of Trump supporters to lock up given to it by Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger.
One such person it attempted to abduct and imprison was Jim Winston, an auto mechanic that lives in Mobile, Alabama and has turned a once-struggling auto repair shop owned by his father into a highly successful shop that he owns and runs with his wife and brother.
Jim, a typical MAGA voter, rallied to the president’s cause on January 6th by appearing in DC to hear then-President Donald Trump speak and wave around a “Trump Won” flag to show his support for the president.
Jim also sensed a business opportunity in the rally and so bought a hotdog cart that his wife operated during the protest, selling thousands of $7 hotdogs to the hungry members of the massive crowd.
Well, the FBI captured imagery of the two setting up the stand and used that to label them members of an “insurrection conspiracy,” claiming without any evidence that the patriotic couple, both of whom are former Marines that served in combat in the Middle East, had hidden guns in the hot dog stand that they planned to hand out to other “insurrectionists.”
And so the FBI decided to raid their house last night, pulling up to it in full tactical gear and sending a dozen of those Stormtrooper-looking agents to break into the house with a no-knock warrant and toss the Trump-supporting couple in the back of a waiting SUV with no police insignia on it and blacked out windows.
When approaching the house, the couple’s hunting dog, Daisy, started barking. Acting on instinct, all 12 FBI thugs opened fire on it, killing the dog and waking the neighbors, all of whom jumped into action and grabbed their guns, surrounding the American Stasi agents in a tense stand off. The FBI eventually left without the Winstons but neither apologized for killing the dog or explained what was going on.
Commenting on the raid later the next morning, FBI Director Christopher Wray declared that those armed neighbors that came to the defense of the Winstons were “insurrectionists” too and so would be “treated harshly” when the FBI decided to return. He also declared that those who criticize the FBI’s heavy-handed tactics are “dangerous terrorists” and “enemies of democracy.”