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FBI Edits Twittergate Files to Say “The FBI Wasn’t At All Involved”

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Taking action to try and remove themselves from the spotlight that Elon is shining on them now that he’s bought Twitter and started prying into each and every thing that was going on under the tyrannical rule of his predecessors (Jack Dorsey and Parag Agrawal), the FBI has been doing its best to cover its Twitter censorship tracks.

    Specifically, the agency had its few remaining sleepers within the company “activate” to start breaking things, implanting vicious malware that wreaked havoc on the Twitter servers and distracted Elon’s top data engineers all night on Tuesday and most of Wednesday morning. Though the malware did no lasting harm to Twitter or the service it provides, it did give the FBI cover to then start covering its tracks by deleting documents without the Twitter cybersecurity team noticing, as it was distracted dealing with the malware onslaught.

    Buckling under the weight of the Twitter bugs, they didn’t see the FBI cyber team sneak onto their servers and start deleting documents related to the censorship regime that used to exist at the company.

    And what documents did they delete? While they focused on rooting out and deleting any documents having to do with their involvement in getting people banned, kicked off Twitter, suppressed, or shadowbanned, they also wanted to at least misdirect accusations of their hacking involvement and so deleted a few other things too, particularly those having to do with the Biden regime’s collusion with Twitter to censor the Trump Campaign and accounts boosting it during the 2020 election.

    But, fortunately, Elon was prepared. Though he hadn’t predicted the FBI taking such direct and obvious action to stop his exposure of their misdeeds, he did suspect that something sneaky was going on and so had copied over all the files to a cold storage hard drive before they were deleted, giving him the ability to both release documents showing FBI involvement and cross reference what documents were still around and which had been deleted to show that the majority of those deleted were having to do with the FBI.

    That was all he needed to call out the FBI by name, saying he had evidence that it had hacked Twitter and deleted the documents, an assertion quickly confirmed by his cybersecurity team and two outside, independent analysts he brought in to check his data and make sure he was telling the truth on the highly contentious, important issue.

    The FBI denied any and all involvement, but also accused Mr. Musk of “attacking our sacred democracy” by “questioning the motives and tactics of law enforcement professionals”. Trump then tweeted out that he was “done with ‘our democracy'” too and was ready to cross the Rubicon to get rid of the FBI. Elon retweeted him, but refrained from commenting.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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