NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
The FBI was, though obviously nervous about answering most questions regarding its raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence, happy to make one fact perfectly clear: all 30 of the plain clothes jackboots that raided the residence were “Black or Indigenous People of Color,” or BIPOCs for short.
FBI Director Christopher Wray, dragged before Congress to testify about the incident and the potential abuse of political power that many contend that it shows, generally brushed off questions about the abuse of power and cracking down on the political opposition aspect, saying:
“Look, folks, this was just a normal law enforcement operation, pure and simple. Nothing more to see, nothing more to worry about, that’s all you need to know. We were just serving a warrant and doing our duty to protect the United States from domestic enemies.”
Continuing, Wray then went on to highlight the BIPOC thing, talking with quite a bit of pride about how diverse the shock troops sent to intimidate Trump were, saying:
“There is, however, one piece of evidence that I’d like to share with you about the very okay, not at all suspicious raid: every single one of the FBI agents involved was a black or indigenous person of color, BIPOC for short. We believe that represents a huge step forward for the agency and shows our commitment to diversity. We have fully escaped the days of Hoover and have moved on to the brighter pastures of total diversity.
“And it’s not just that BIPOCs were involved. There were also 17 women on the task force, though none of them were the ones involved in rifling through Melania Trump’s underwear, and 5 trans individuals that we were very excited could make it for the raid, as we had to look all over to find BIPOC, trans agents. That represents an opportunity for finding more diversity in the future, as we’d like to hire more trans agents of color.
“However, while that’s an excellent, very exciting opportunity, we overall believe that, from a diversity perspective, the raid was a roaring success and shows how far we’ve progressed in the past few years.”
There was one awkward moment, however, where Wray was asked if having “only diverse people present” when the FBI “cracked down on Trump” would “create the impression that there’s a battle between white and diverse people, whereas having a few token whites would have shown solidarity of the races against Trump?”
Wray responded with a blistering counter-attack, saying that it was “racist” for anyone to dare suggest that “white people could do a better job” than the FBI’s “prized BIPOC personnel,” and that it was highly offensive to suggest that more “traditional oppressors” should have been present for the raid.