NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Confused as to how his plan didn’t work, California Governor Gavin Newsom recently decided to import Zimbabwe’s existing stock of trillion-dollar bills to use as currency in the California Republic in a long-expected reaction to the inflationary spiral that followed his decision to send out checks to Californians to help cover the cost of inflation.
Speaking on the issue in a conference hall that was one of the few left in California where the electricity doesn’t cut out every time a cloud floats over the solar array or the wind stops blowing, Newsom said:
“I just don’t understand it. Inflation was a problem because of the greedy companies wanting to boost their profit margins and take advantage of the national crisis. So we calculated the cost of inflation, about $1700 or so, and sent out checks for about that amount that we thought would cover it.
“So we did that, and it worked for a month or two, but then we found out that, somehow, the cost of inflation had jumped to $2200! So we sent out the $500 checks to cover the difference, hoping that would be enough.
“But it wasn’t, and things got worse from there. Every time we recalculated after that, the cost of inflation had jumped about 10% or so, which was a problem because the nominal amount was continuing to grow, so each 10% increase meant far more money was needed to cover it. It just doesn’t make sense: how could companies be so greedy and do this to us?”
And so California spent its last reserves on buying the formerly worthless Zimbabwean notes, hoping that they’d be large enough to cover the cost of things in California, though there’s currently a fight in the state over whether more money should be spent on stamping “anti-racist slogans” such as “death to deadnamers” and “no justice for George, no peace for America” on the notes, a plan only stopped because even the woke ideologues realized the dire nature of California’s fiscal straights.
The outcome of the California experiment was not, however, that surprising to the Zimbabweans. They found the whole thing hilarious, with the official in charge of the finances of what was formerly Rhodesia saying:
“Ah, brother, you discovered the secret we learned long ago: you can’t just print more money to pay for things! You much show some restraint, some understanding that prices will rise if more money is chasing the same number of goods or, as was the case for both you and us, fewer goods following a government-induced collapse. We learned that after the Rhodesian government was destroyed and our economy was wrecked by government farming policies. How is America just now learning this, haven’t you had idiots in charge since we were called Rhodesia?”
Newsom responded only by calling the idea that Rhodesia was better managed than Zimbabwe “racist”.