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Gender Studies Majors with HR Jobs Refuse to Pay Taxes to Bail Out Unemployed Engineering Majors

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    The demographic support for Biden’s “student loan forgiveness” plan is quite surprising, with certain groups and people who majored in certain, traditionally liberal activities far less likely to support the plan than one might expect.

    In fact, according to the recent data and polling, it turns out the gender studies majors, African art and culture majors, LGTBQIAZXYC poetry and studies majors, and even underwater basket weaving majors are all less likely than one might expect to support the plan. While true for all genders, that’s especially true of women and transgenders, and is most true of all among minorities.

    Conversely, those with traditionally conservative majors, namely engineering, business, and banking majors, are more likely than one might expect to support the student debt relief plan, especially if they are white men.

    Upon deeper engagement with the data, the reason for that is obvious: it’s those people with the weird majors, particularly if they’re women and/or minorities, that are almost to a person employed. Why? Because businesses need HR managers now more than ever, and those people tend to make the best HR managers.

    Yet better for those demographics is that, even if they don’t want to be HR managers, then they can still get jobs doing normal work activities at a much higher rate than white men, having a much easier time of it thanks to affirmative action policies.

    By contrast, now it’s about impossible for white men to get a job doing anything at all, no matter how humiliating or mundane, so they are unemployed at a higher rate and thus more willing to accept the idea of a government bailout of student loan debt, as their engineering, finance, and business degrees are now useless thanks to affirmative action policies and rampant wokeness, something that no one would have predicted up until now.

    Upon figuring out that minorities and liberals were unwilling to support the debt relief plan, Biden and his cronies backed off of it, saying in an announcement that they didn’t want to do anything that would “disproportionally help white men” and that his administration was committed to the principles and precepts of anti-racism.

    Psaki, speaking about the whole situation in a press conference, said “maybe those men that are mad that they have to repay those loans can just go have a margarita. Unlike the bad orange man, this isn’t an administration by, of, and for those evil white men!

    Jesse Jackson, who was nodding along while Psaki ranted and rambled, then walked out and started yelling about how student loan relief was meant to once again put the burden of maintaining America on the backs of black people and that he and his organizations would no longer stand for it.

    He added that he would be pressuring Biden to permanently cancel what he was referring to the “racism relief” plan and that never again would HR managers be so oppressed.

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