NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
The Biden Administration remains in charge and so disaster continues to result whenever they trot out President Joe Biden to…appear and try to look like anything other than a mummy (he normally fails), particularly when Biden is allowed to speak instead of just standing, grinning, and shaking hands.
Such was the case, though worse than usual, on Monday. Then, President Biden met with the President of Indonesia and, instead of just mumbling and rambling about how wonderful Indonesian yams and history are, decided to ramble about muscle building while trying to feel the bicep of the President.
We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last several years, and it’s really wonderful that you’re here. I’m grateful for the hospitality you showed me in Bali, and we’re delighted to have you here. Today, we’re talking about taking our relationship to launching the highest possible level of cooperation: a Comprehensive Strate- — Strategic Partnership.
This will mark a new era between our — in the relationships between the United States and — and Indonesia across the board, affecting everything. It includes enhancing security cooperation, particularly maritime security. And it includes expanding our work together to build a secure and resilient supply chain. It includes deepening our collaboration to combat the climate crisis. You know, I’ve told you this before, but Indonesia is a critical player — critical in the clean energy transition world.
And we’re also going to continue to work with ASEAN to advance a free, open, secure, and prosperous Indo-Pacific. And I want to thank you — and I mean this sincerely — I want to thank you for your leadership on ASEAN this year. I really do. As we mark nearly 75 years of cooperation between our nations, I’m of the view our partnership is stronger than it’s ever been and is going to continue to get stronger.
That’s when things got weird, as Biden haltingly stumbled the few yards across the stage to the Indonesian President. Facing him and mumbling, Biden adjusted his microphone and then said, “stronger like you are, Jack!” Biden then tried to grab his bicep and show it to the crowd, but was swatted away in shock and horror at the breach of protocol.
Biden then started stumbling off, saying, “Look, Jack, you gotta not be so modest! I can see that slab of muscle under your shirt, I know you’re getting strong! That’s what our countries gotta do, this is important. We gotta be stronger, we gotta do…you know, the thing! It’s important, what with China acting crazy or whatever. Those folks are wild, Jack, and we need stronger…errr…we need the stronger…you know. It, uhh, it ain’t right. Well, no, it is. Or, umm, I mean…well, those are some nice muscles Jack. Anyway.”
Biden then wandered off stage, followed by his Secret Service entourage.