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GOP Lawmakers Blast Disney for “How to Trans Yourself Without Your Parents Knowing” Kids’ Cartoon

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    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    The Walt Disney Company found itself in hot water with parents and lawmakers yet again on Friday, this time after the release of a particularly controversial cartoon on Disney+.

    The cartoon, titled “How to Trans Yourself Without Your Parents Knowing” was a manual on how to obtain the puberty blockers and transgender surgery resources available to kids without the permission of their parents.

    The show, which is essentially an instruction guide on how to obtain those resources that is loosely disguised as an adventure story in which the main character, Toni, travels around the country looking for the resources necessary to “let xim be xim”.

    Also included in the show are a “heroic” teacher figure that helps Toni and tells Toni not to trust the “backward” views of xis parents, an evil, dictator-like figure that looks strikingly similar to Ron DeSantis that travels around the country trying to stop Toni, and a speaking puberty blocker pill that encourages Toni during certain “tough moments” in the show, such as when Toni’s crying parents beg xim to stop taking puberty blockers before the damage done was irreversible.

    Parents and GOP lawmakers were, naturally, furious with the show and with Disney for creating it, demanding that the show be canceled and Disney be held responsible for pushing such horrible propaganda on the youth.

    Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, not particularly pleased with how he’s portrayed in the show, slammed it in a press conference, saying:

    “Folks, this sort of thing is ridiculous. What we have here is a barely-disguised attack not only on traditional views of gender, but also on the rights of parents to be involved in the medical decisions of their children, the right of parents and governments to stop children from undergoing transgender surgery, and is obvious propaganda for the transgender lobby and groomer teachers.

    “So, here in the great state of Florida, Disney will be held accountable for its actions. We’re gonna drag it into court and force it to either take the sickening show down or face some serious legal and financial consequences for the harms incurred by the propaganda that it’s pushing.

    “If we don’t stand up to them now, if we don’t fight this battle, things will get even crazier. If we don’t stop this sickening show, season two could be titled ‘How to Castrate Yourself 101: No Age Too Young!’ This just has to stop!”

    A mother, representative of many others who called Disney to complain about the content, told us that she had canceled her family’s Disney+ subscription, was planning on pulling her children out of public schools at the end of the school year, and was considering calling the cops on the creepy, single, 35-year-old teacher that encouraged her 7-year-old to go home and watch the show and even offered to screen it in class.

    DeSantis, asked what parents should do to fight back, said to cut the Disney cable, stop going to the theme park, and to do everything possible to avoid public schools or products produced by woke corporations.

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