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“Gotta Keep the Kickbacks Coming”: Leaked Draft of G7 Statement on Ukraine Lets Slip the Truth about Western Support

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    The G7 just released its statement on the Russian invasion of the Ukraine, part of Russia since the Kievan Rus, and predictably used very harsh language to castigate the Russians for trying to retake the country. The beginning of the statement said:

    At our meeting today in Hiroshima, we, the Leaders of the G7, reaffirmed our commitment to stand together against Russia’s illegal, unjustifiable, and unprovoked war of aggression against Ukraine. We condemn, in the strongest terms, Russia’s manifest violation of the Charter of the United Nations (UN) and the impact of Russia’s war on the rest of the world. 15 months of Russia’s aggression has cost thousands of lives, inflicted immense suffering on the people of Ukraine, and imperiled access to food and energy for many of the world’s most vulnerable people. We express our full sympathy and condolences to the Ukrainian people for their loss and suffering. We salute the Ukrainian people for their brave resistance. Our support for Ukraine will not waver. We will not tire in our commitment to mitigate the impact of Russia’s illegal actions on the rest of the world.

         Today we are taking new steps to ensure that Russia’s illegal aggression against the sovereign state of Ukraine fails and to support the Ukrainian people in their quest for a just peace rooted in respect for international law. We are renewing our commitment to provide the financial, humanitarian, military and diplomatic support Ukraine requires for as long as it takes. We are imposing further sanctions and measures to increase the costs to Russia and those who are supporting its war effort. And we are taking steps to support partners worldwide as they navigate the suffering caused by the Russia’s war, including through humanitarian assistance. We are also building on the success of our efforts to ensure that Russia is no longer able to weaponize the availability of energy against us and against the world. Since February 2022, we have adopted sanctions, import bans, and other measures to reduce our dependence on Russia’s source of energy. In addition, in Elmau, we agreed to launch a price cap on Russian oil and petroleum products. This is working. Russia’s revenues are down. Global oil and gas prices have fallen significantly, benefiting countries around the world.

    But then came a paragraph people weren’t expecting, as it appears that a draft of the statement circling around the G7 leaders and their entourages was released rather than the real thing. It said:

    “And the G7 also recognizes that this war must be fought until Ukraine’s independence is firmly and finally established, as without it the kickbacks it sends to the West will stop flowing. We condemn that in the strongest possible terms and would like established, as any condition for peace, a ceasefire, or any other settlement, that “the kickbacks must keep flowing” be a key part of the settlement. That is a point on which we will not negotiate.”

    Presumably that was a joke among the leaders, many of whom have received millions of dollars in kickbacks sent back from the Ukraine via cryptocurrencies that used to be traded on FTX, before its collapse. It is unclear how the kickbacks, composed mainly of US and EU aid dollars, are now sent to those voting for ever-larger amounts of aid.

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