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Hunter Biden Furious about Bidenflation’s Effect on Crack, Parmesan Prices

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire. It’s not meant to be taken as the truth. It’s a joke.

    While Team Biden generally is sticking to its guns and going along with the “Putin price hike” story about why inflation is at levels not seen in decades, there’s one member of the Biden brood that’s breaking ranks and calling out inflation as a problem.

    That would be the president’s son, Hunter Biden. Hunter, the lawyer turned painter who was kicked out of the Navy for repeated cocaine-related incidents, is furious about the inflation level, particularly as it relates to his inhaled items of choice: crack and parmesan.

    You see, not too long ago Hunter admitted to smoking parmesan along with crack, saying:

    I spent more time on my hands and knees picking through rugs, smoking anything that even remotely resembled crack cocaine,” Biden said. “I probably smoked more parmesan cheese than anyone.”

    “It didn’t matter: I smoked it. If it was crack, great. If it wasn’t, I’d take a hit, exhale, and exclaim, “S—, that’s not it – that’s the f—— cheese!“‘

    So, the naval officer-turned lawyer-turned lobbyist and bagman for Biden-turned crackhead-turned painter broke ranks and attacked his dad for letting inflation get so out of control in a stunning Thursday interview, saying:

    This is such bullsh**, man! Last time inflation was this bad, the Reagan days, I was okay because of what was going on abroad. Things were good back when Reagan and HW Bush let things flow freely, if you know what I mean, when they were trying to fight those commies down in…well, wherever.

    Inflation might have sucked, but “Ellis McPickle” and the rest of those border dashing cowboys kept me supplied on the cheap. I know dad’s soft on the commies today, but I sure wish he’d change his path on that when he wakes up tomorrow so we can push these prices down!

    Continuing, Hunter emphasized how the current inflationary environment is hurting his lifestyle, saying:

    I mean, crack used to cost just a few bucks a hit. Sure, I was short on cash after getting kicked out of the Navy, but with the Big Guy lending his name to the Hunter Biden’s Wallet fund, even I could afford a few rocks here and there without resorting to parmesan-based crack alternatives!

    Then that bad orange man got elected and prices shot up when the border was dealt with, which sucked, so I had to work a few pieces of cheese in my crack pipe. That’s probably when I hit a low, no one likes to see a man with melted cheese in his crack pipe crying.

    But then pops got elected! Between the open border and that free crack pipe program, I was living high on the hog if you know what I mean. But then he must have missed his morning oatmeal or something. All the sudden I was paying $20 bucks a hit! When you have a whole missing laptop’s worth of sh** to forget, that’s just too expensive! Even when I tried cutting the crack with parmesan things were too expensive! Have you seen the price of cheese these days?!

    While Hunter then started chanting “let’s go Brandon” while trying to light up a free crack pipe stuffed to the brim with cheese, the interview then had to be terminated because he started scratching at non-existent ants and spiders. Still, the brief interview was a shocking breaking of ranks for Team Biden, one that shows even the president’s inner circle is upset with the Bidenflation crisis.

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