NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Another day, another example of Hunter Biden using his position of influence to profit off his dad and then, when caught, pretending like it was all one big mistake.
This time that happened because of the Biden classified documents, which the New York Post found in a shocking report that Hunter Biden turned over to the Red Chinese. Specifically, Hunter, in exchange for a few large gems and two no-limit credit cards, gave the Chinese MSS agents he knew “housekeeping access” to the garage where Biden was keeping the classified documents.
As a reminder, Biden said, when asked about the documents in the garage: “Let me — they’re — I’m going to get a chance to speak on all this, God willing, soon, but as I said earlier this week, people — and, by the way, my Corvette is in a locked garage. Okay? So, it’s not like they’re sitting out in the street. But at any rate —”
Pressed on that and defending it after Doocy asked “so the garage was locked”, Biden then said:
Yes, as well as my Corvette. But as I said earlier this week, people know I take classified documents and classified material seriously. I also said we’re cooperating fully and completely with the Justice Department’s review.
As part of that process, my lawyers reviewed other places where documents might of — from my time as Vice President were stored. And they finished the review last night. They discovered a small number of documents with classified markings in storage areas and in file cabinets in my home and my — and my — in my personal library. This was done in the case of the Biden Penn — this was done in the case of the Biden Penn Center.
Well, it turns out that, though the garage was “locked,” Hunter had access. And he used that access to profit, selling his key to the garage to the Chinese, who apparently scanned all of the documents in the garage and sent them back to China, where the MSS and PLA have been using them to train an AI to determine US policy and how the US will respond to certain events.
Those events are, according to a leaker within the CIA that is furious with Biden over the easy access he granted to highly classified foreign intelligence, particulalry centered around a Chinese invasion of the Republic of China, Taiwan. The PLA, PLAAF, and PLAN want to know both if the US would respond to an invasion attempt and, if so, in what manner it would do so. Knowing that will help them flesh out their war plans. Apparently the Biden documents Hunter sold access to were very helpful in helping the Chinese plan for such an event.