NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden again tried to rally support for his “Bidenomics” economic strategy, which mostly appears to be an attempt to transfer what money remains in the hands of the middle class to the megacorps and their financiers through raising prices, which in turn increase profits of large companies and thus boost stock prices as the middle class struggles to pay its bills and the lower class is subsidized by their tax dollars.
This time he tried to do so in a statement on how the “CHIPS” Act helps “science” in America. Beginning the statement, he said:
America invented semiconductors – and today, they power everything from cell phones to cars to refrigerators. But over time, the United States went from producing nearly 40% of the world’s chips to just over 10%, making our economy vulnerable to global supply chain disruptions. The CHIPS and Science Act aims to change that.
In the year since I signed this legislation into law, companies have announced over $166 billion to bring semiconductor manufacturing back to the United States. These investments are creating jobs and opportunities in communities across the country – from Ohio to Arizona, Texas and New York. And, in the last year alone, at least 50 community colleges have announced new or expanded programs to help American workers access good-paying jobs in the semiconductor industry.
The CHIPS and Science Act is a key part of my Bidenomics agenda to bring investment and opportunity to every corner of the country. Over the coming months, my Administration will continue to implement this historic law, make sure American union workers, small businesses, and families benefit from investments spurred by the CHIPS and Science Act, and make America once again a leader in semiconductor manufacturing and less dependent on other countries for our electronics or clean energy supply chains.
Continuing, Biden argued that supporting “science” is important because “kids love science.” Giving an example of that, he said, “And look, it’s not just big companies that’ll be ummm…well, you know, like helped out if we support science. And let me tell you this- supporting the science and stuff is good. Anyway, anyway, kids love science. I know mine did. Hunter loves science projects! Loved, I mean. You know what I mean, you get it Jack.”
Pausing for a minute while trying and failing to open a water bottle before accidentally dropping it and letting it roll across the floor. With it making sound while rolling, Biden then said, “So that’s why we have to raise taxes on, umm, small businesses. To support the science projects that kids like Hunter like. We have to help the kids, even if that means a tad bit of financial umm, financial, you know, financial pain now. That means we just have to support the science all the harder.”