NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
During a recent campaign speech. President Slow Joe Biden went on a long, rambling rant about “economic dignity” and his dad, which then turned into a defense of Hunter’s antics in the corrupt cabals of the Third World. He said:
Well, folks, first of all, thank you. You know, I was telling some of the folks inside that one of the things that you sort of judge yourself by if you’re in electoral politics is — I know this sounds strange — the caliber of the people who support you. It matters. And I can’t tell you how much it means to me that people of your caliber have stepped up to help me, many of you not for the first time, and I thank you.
And, you know, our host has talked about headwinds and tailwinds, et cetera. My dad used to have an expression. My dad was a well-read man who got into college during the — just before World War Two. Well, not just — probably five years before World War Two began. And — and — but he didn’t have the means to get there.
And his great regret was that he didn’t go to college, but he was an extremely well-read guy. And my dad used to have an expression. He’d say, “Joey…” — when he’d talk about employment and jobs and opportunities — he said, “A job is about a lot more than a paycheck. It’s about your dignity. It’s about respect. It’s about being able to look your kid in the eye and say, ‘Honey, it’s going to be okay,’ and think you have an even shot of doing it.”
And, you know, I think that — I think it’s still very, very critical that we understand that so much of what people are looking for is not just an economic opportunity, but just to be treated with some dignity, just to be treated like they mattered. And that’s what you all do. You all have been very successful. You’re a fine group of people. But you — but you treat people with dignity. And it really matters.
Continuing, he said, “And look, we all need dignity. Just think of my little boy, Hunter. Hunter’s a good kid. He really is. Nice guy, lots of good values. Real winner. But he’s been slandered and smeared because he chose a different career path than many other fellas! And how he’s heartbroken. He needs economic dignity, you need economic dignity, we all do! And that’s a fact.”
“Look, my pap also told me that what really matters is the result. And that’s the case here. Hunter helped the people of the Ukraine. He helped me get through a rough patch. That in turn helped me help him through a rough patch. Is that not good enough to deserve economic dignity? Is caring for your old man not an American value? Hunter needs dignity, Jack!”
Biden was then led off the stage by Dr. Jill, who obviously realized that Biden ranting about his corrupt son was not a good optic for his floundering administration.