NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such,
It was the usual nonsense from President Slow Joe Biden when, on Tuesday, he gave a rambling explanation for why America “needs” to pay for Hunter Biden’s addiction treatment, saying that paying for crack addicts to smoke more crack is “just common sense.”
Beginning the speech was a long ramble about a woman named “Debbie” who wasn’t actually there, a long complaint about insurance prices that left out Obamacare increasing premiums by an average of 330 percent, and a bit of word salad about mental healthcare.
And, you know, one of the things that the pandemic demonstrated is the need for a lot more help. Over a million people dead from COVID. And that’s estimated to mean 8 million people left behind who were close to them. How many mornings people get up or show up for dinner and there’s an empty chair? The impact on people’s lives is profound. But — and you were paying insurance every month. You know, you shouldn’t be your own — well, you shouldn’t have to do what you had to do, going through one of the hardest things in life.
And, by the way, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie — God love you. You’re the best, Debbie. You really are. We wouldn’t be here were it not for Debbie, and that’s not a — that’s not an exaggeration. We served together for a long time in the Senate, and I’ve never known you not to be a significant advocate for this very issue.
And I want to thank Acting Secretary Su and everyone at the Department of Labor and HHS and Treasury for working to improve insurance coverage for mental health care in America. And, folks, you know, I don’t know what the difference between breaking your arm and having a mental breakdown is. It’s health. There is no distinction. It’s health. Vivek Murthy, who is our Surgeon General, and I talk about this issue a lot.
That’s when he got to Hunter and crack addiction: “And you know what else we, umm, we talk about? Well, I’ll tell ya, Jack. It’s addiction. Addiction care. Addiction treatment. Addiction recognition. That’s important. It is! No one says so, but America needs more treatment for addiction. Just think about the innocent victims of it: my beautiful son Hunter, he, when dead broke, had to pay for treatment of an addiction that just wasn’t his fault!”
“How’s that fair? Why should we demand that those who are suffering already suffer even more just to line the pockets of medical, ummm, I mean, uhh, addiction, addiction treatment providers? Why should we force innocent addicts to pay for that? The taxpayers should. It’s just common sense, Jack. People like Hunter shouldn’t have to suffer for addictions that aren’t their fault.”
