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“I Won’t Protect Wealthy Tax Cheats…Except Hunter”: Biden Slips Up During Speech, Makes Shocking Admission

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    It’s a day that ends in “y” and so President Slow Joe Biden was doing what he does best: making embarrassing mistakes while trying to speak to the press, causing himself and his party a bit of unnecessary headache. That came when he was rambling about his supposed willingness to make a debt ceiling deal with the GOP, saying:

    And we’ve — I’ve done my part.  We put forward a proposal that cuts spending by more than a trillion dollars, and on top of the nearly $3 trillion in deficit reduction that I previously proposed through the combination of spending cuts and new revenues.

    Now it’s time for the other side to move their — from their extreme positions, because much of what they’ve already proposed is simply, quite frankly, unacceptable.

    And so, let me be clear: I’m not going to agree to a deal that protects, for example, a $30 billion tax break for the oil industry, which made $200 billion last year — they don’t need an incentive of another $30 billion — while putting healthcare of 21 million Americans at risk by going after Medicaid.

    I’m not going to agree to a deal that protects $200 billion in excess payments for pharmaceutical industries and refusing to count that while cutting over 100,000 schoolteachers and — and assistants’ jobs, 30,000 law enforcement officers’ jobs cut across the — the entire United States of America.

    And I’m not going to agree to a deal that protects wealthy tax cheats and crypto traders while putting food assistance at risk for nearly a hundred — excuse me — nearly 1 million Americans.

    Then, looking startled for an instant before returning to speaking, Biden said, “Now, let me clarify. When I said that I won’t protect, you know, ‘wealthy tax cheats,’ there is an exception. Hunter is my son and I love him very much, so I will do whatever I want and whatever I need to do to protect him, including protecting him from not properly paying his taxes. And heck, he was making a bunch of money from Burisma and some Chinese fellas and was still suffering from his crack addiction…how could he be expected to pay close attention to his taxes? I know I sure wouldn’t! So I don’t feel bad about it at all. I’ll protect Hunter, even though he’s a wealthy tax cheat.

    Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy called Biden’s statement “predictable,” but offered not plan of attack to force him to change his plans. Mitch McConnell, meanwhile, said that Biden’s statement was an “understandable and moderate course of action that will serve all parties well and lower heightened tensions.”

    Hunter appeared on CNN and promised to not do crack anymore and to pay his taxes on time, but then claimed to be out of money when asked if he would finally start paying his child support payments.

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