NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
A “bipartisan” group of Senators composing the American uniparty just agreed on a gun control “framework” that includes funding for state-level red flag laws, laws that will supposedly be used to disarm those that pose a threat to themselves or others.
While much back-patting ensued as the Uniparty members congratulated themselves on attacking the rights of their fellow Americans, with Lindsey Graham even doing a strip tease for them in celebration.
But that cheery attitude quickly turned to worry as Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin used the newly passed law to demand that the US military disarm itself, claiming that, with Slow Joe Biden in charge it was in the hands of a “senile madman” and thus that his weapons, the US military, needed to be taken away.
Speaking on that in a video posted to Twitter, Putin, who was riding a horse shirtless for the video, said:
“Well the Americans have finally taken common sense measures to keep weapons out of the hands of lunatics, lunatics that continue to bloody the halls of their schools and seats of their theaters. I commend them on that; Stalin took similar measures and they were very good for internal unity.
“So I congratulate them on their Stalin-like bravery. But now I must raise an important point: if the goal is to disarm those who, because of their mental state, cannot be trusted with weapons, why is Biden not disarmed?
“This man is obviously senile. He cannot speak, cannot walk, cannot even ride a bike! And he seems quite angry whenever asked non-complimentary questions, so he could be perturbed and violent.
“Therefore, I demand the US follow its own laws and disarm the US military so as to disarm Biden. A man who can’t eat pudding without help should now be trusted with the thousands of nuclear weapons in his control, nor should a military with stealth bombers, supercarriers, and nuclear submarines be at his command under the new red flag law, as he is obviously a threat to himself and others.
“So will the US follow its own rules and disarm so as to serve the “red flag” law on Biden, or will it once again prove itself hypocritical and unwilling to adopt even the most common sense measures?”
Putin then shot a tiger with a crossbow from the horseback, showing his martial prowess, before the video cut to a clip of Biden tumbling off of a bicycle and the phrase “should this man be trusted with nuclear weapons?” appeared on the screen.
The White House announced that Biden was as “mentally sharp as ever”, though that was belied by his later attempt to prove Putin wrong in which he first spilled a glass of water all over himself while trying to drink it and then spoke utter jibberish for a full two minutes while trying to recite the 2nd Amendment.