NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden was once again tasked with speaking and it was once again a disaster, this time with the senile Commander in Chief rambling about how great inflation is because it “makes the profit number go up,” ignoring that that’s only nominal profit, not real profit, and that the inflation-adjusted number is down because of the Bidenflation disaster. Beginning, he said:
I want to thank everyone here at Milwaukee’s Black Chamber of Commerce for your partnership across the board on everything we’ve been working on. I come from a state that has the eighth-largest Black population in the country, and as they say — the saying goes where I come — “You brung me to the dance” early on. You’re proof that Black small businesses with the talent, integrity, and ingenuity are the engines and the glue that hold communities together. And I mean that sincerely, you hold communities together.
You’re the ones that sponsor the Little League teams. You’re the one that spon- — involved in the church events. You’re the ones that hold the community together, and you keep it going. You keep it moving. And every new business opening is a — is a vote for hope — just hope. Hope. You know, you’re making the American economy stronger and our nation more competitive. I’m here today to talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention. I’m here to celebrate the progress we’re making to support Black small businesses here and around the country.
Because when Black small businesses grow, everything benefits. The community benefits. Everyone benefits. Not a joke. And it gives hope and prospects for people. Since Kamala and I entered office, America has filed a record number of — in less than 3 years, 15 million new job app- — new applications to start new businesses — 15 million. It’s led to the fastest growth in Black business ownership in over 30 years. Across the country, wages for workers are up. Black wealth is a record — up a record 60 percent since the pandemic.
Continuing, he added, “And look here, Jack. Look here. Ya gotta see, umm, what’s important is that things are going great. They are! Republicans complain endlessly about inflation and all that. Even call it ‘Bidenflation.’ Hmmmph. Well, lemme tell you what. Inflation ain’t all bad. Now I know people are gonna complain, but what really matters in business is profits. And I gotta say, profits have gone up thanks to inflation.”
“Just think about it. Everything scales, it does, so if there’s a whole lot of inflation, your profit will go from 100 to 200, or whatever! It sure is a heck of a lot easier to be a billionaire or, umm, well, a millionaire now. 20% easier, or whatever. So you’re welcome! I made your dream easier. You can thank me later. Got it, Jack?!”