NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Jill Biden, or “Dr.” Jill Biden, as she insists on being called, recently spoke at a meeting between America’s governors, for whatever reason, and while there, spent nearly her entire speech ranting about why she should be referred to as “Dr.” Biden. It was incredibly uncomfortable for the attendees. Kicking off the speech, she said:
Governor Cox, Mr. Chairman, thank you for your work and your efforts to foster a more constructive, respectful dialogue in our debates. Joe is grateful for your leadership, and I’m grateful to you and Abby for the warm welcome in Utah last month. Good morning. It’s great to be here with all of you.
Governor Scott, when I visited Vermont last year, what you said stayed with me. You said, “pure […] partisan politics has never contributed to real solutions.” And that, we “can, and should, prioritize progress over politics, especially on issues where the majority of Americans agree.” That majority is an exhausted one, as Governor Cox often points out.
They’re frustrated by a Congress that is often mired in gridlock, and those who too often treat government like a sport, with an “us versus them” mindset and a knee-jerk reaction to oppose anything the other team supports. But this room shows the nation something very different, and I wish some lawmakers on the Hill would follow your lead. You show that we can turn down the volume, stop the shouting, and actually listen to one another, that, yes, as Governor Cox says, we can disagree without being disagreeable.
As many of you know, I’ve been teaching writing for 40 years. One day, a student named Harry, who wanted to be an auto-mechanic, raised his hand. “Dr. B,” he said, “the only thing I need to learn how to write is ‘needs brakes.’” He was joking, of course. But he had a point: he wasn’t just there to learn the art of writing – he was there to prepare himself for a good-paying job.
That’s when whatever she was planning on speaking about was tossed out the window and she focused on the “Dr.” part of it. She said, suddenly stopping her speech and switching tracks, “And you know, what really stood out to me was that that young man, that mechanic, made sure to call me ‘Dr.’ That really matters. It matters to me a lot, in fact.”
“Let me tell you why: I worked hard for that degree, my doctorate in education. Harder than I’ve worked for anything in my life, in fact. Normally I just sit around and cash checks for Joe or Hunter…or both, haha, that was a joke, people! Anyway, it was difficult and I think people should respect what I did. They ought respect my work! And frankly, it’s pretty sexist for them to do otherwise. Very sexist, in fact, and that shouldn’t go unpunished either.”
“So that’s what really stood out to me about that incident. That young man, that…well, he knew how to act respectfully toward a learned, intelligent, credentialed woman such as myself, and that trait needs to be far more prevalent than it currently is. It really does!”