Note: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden and his team recently announced their new “counterterrorism” strategy for 2023, in which it called for the arrest of any and every Republican who’s not openly anti-Trump and pro-Biden in the name of “democracy.”
It began with a long ramble about “our democracy” the “freedom to abort babies,” and watch pornography, labeling everyone who doesn’t enjoy drugs and abortion a “domestic terrorist.” Beginning, it said:
Two years ago this month, the Biden-Harris Administration released the first-ever National Strategy for Countering Domestic Terrorism. Since the strategy’s launch in June 2021, we have sharpened our understanding of the domestic terrorism threat, increased information sharing with state, local, Tribal, and territorial law enforcement and foreign partners, doubled our investigations into domestic extremism and terrorism, prioritized funding for research into the factors that influence domestic terrorism and extremism, strengthened local efforts to prevent acts of domestic terrorism, and expanded our capabilities to disrupt and prosecute such acts, all while safeguarding privacy, civil rights and civil liberties.
Domestic terrorism strikes at the very foundations of democracy and is a direct threat to the civil rights and civil liberties guaranteed to all Americans. Those who engage in domestic terrorism and hate-fueled violence attempt to intimidate Americans and deny them their most basic rights, including their lives and liberty. The Biden-Harris Administration is determined to ensure that domestic terrorist activity or hate-filled violence interferes with Americans’ ability to speak freely, to practice their faiths as they wish, to live safely, or to exercise their other constitutional rights, including to assemble and protest peacefully.
Continuing, it then said, “to effect public safety and keep our democracy safe from racist, potential domestic terrorists. And this is what we’re particularly worried about: a lot of these people, they still vote for Trump! They still like him even after he led an attack on our democracy! January 6th a blatant attack on our democracy and our liberty! That was launched by a bunch of racist, domestic terrorists that don’t believe in the same things we do! We gotta stop them and fight back against all this racism! That’s just how it is and what we are determined to do.”
“So, to fight against that describable racism and against our democracy sentiment, we’re turning the intelligence agencies loose. the FBI is on it. The CIA is on it. The NSA has been on it. It’s time we fight back and start teaching these racists a lesson, and luckily the security services built up during the war of terror in Iraq and Afghanistan are ready to be turned loose on racism in the United States, as we know that those terrible, nasty people are ready to do much harm to our democracy. So we’ll fight it with every tool in our disposal.”