NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
How are things going in the Biden White House?
Well, yet again, they’re tense. Quite tense. This time it’s because Brandon accidentally let it slip that Kamala won’t be with him on the 2024 ticket because Americans find her “horrible.”
According to one of our sources within the White House, Brandon, speaking with Kamala about his “favorite color of oranges”, accidentally told her about the decision that Dr. Jill had made to boot her from the ticket, saying:
“Look, Kam..Kamla, yeah, Kamlay, whatever…well, thing is, we won’t be able to talk about oranges after 2024. Why? I know you’re wanting to know. Well, my nurse [Dr. Jill] told me that you’d be leaving because everyone in America finds you horrible and awful. Like everyone. Don’t know how ya managed that, normally you can find one or two people that don’t hate you. Guess not. Anyway, she said you have to leave and I’ll have to find a new oatmeal buddy. What about that Gavin guy? His hair looks nice, bet it smells good too…”
Kamala then left, raging about the decision. That led to a cat fight between Kamala and Dr. Jill in the Rose Garden, with both women using their high heels as shanks in an attempt to stab each other, with the cowardly, soy-boy Biden staffers running away rather than dealing with the situation.
Jill had the tip of one of her heels hooked in Kamala’s mouth, just barely stopped from poking through by the wad of tobacco Kamala had in there (apparently she dips now).
The two were separated and led away, with Kamala going to smoke weed and listen to Tupac while Jill went to yell at Biden for letting the news slip to Kamala. Unfortunately for her, it was already bedtime (2 pm), so she couldn’t talk to him until the next morning.
By then, Kamala had dropped her counter-attack: speaking from a platform near the African-American History museum with Jeb! Bush on stage with her (he was the only white person in attendance), Kamala said that she and Jeb! would be running together in 2024. Jeb! said he was excited to fight against the bad orange man and promised to invade Iraq on the first day of his Vice Presidency, saying that he “learned lots from that Cheney fellow that worked with [his] brother, W.”
He then tripped while trying to open a water bottle and fell off the stage, with Trump briefly rejoining Twitter just to mock Jeb!’s incompetence. Kamala, in any case, then started cackling and the crowd melted away while covering her ears, which election watchers tell us is not a good sign for her election attempt.