NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Many expected that soon to be Supreme Court Justice Katanji Jackson, President Biden’s soft on porn pick to replace Justice Stephen Breyer when he retires in the coming weeks, would be disappointed that she didn’t have the opportunity to rule on Dobbs, the case that overturned the abortion regime, and thus kick of her SCOTUS career with a defense of abortion that would make all the leftists that host DC cocktail parties swoon.
Truth be told, however, she couldn’t be happier that it was decided without her, as she still has no idea what a woman is, and thus would have no idea whatsoever about how to rule on the case.
News on that leaked after Katanji was seen talking on the phone while shopping at a DC-area Gucci store, presumably to a friend or relative. Caught on video without noticing, Katanji said:
“Well, yeah, I mean I want to be on the court and all, as that’s like super cool and stuff, but I’m kinda glad it hasn’t happened yet, as I would be super out of my depth if they just told me I had to rule on some case about women.
“Why? Oh, well I’ve been doing biology night classes in preparation for my time on the court, but I still don’t have a clue what a woman is, so I don’t think that I’d be qualified to rule on the issue of like if women can get abortions and stuff. Like how am I supposed to know what they can do if I don’t know what they are?
“No, no, no…I know I’m a woman. Yes, I know. But I don’t know who else is….Yes! I do know that men can get pregnant now. I do know that. But most pregnancies are still a women’s issue, I think, so I think it’s important to know what a woman is first, which I just don’t know.”
After her phone call was sent to Tucker Carlson, who made it the center of his “What is a Justice?” segment, in which he wondered aloud if Kantanji counted as a Supreme Court Justice since he didn’t identify as thinking that she was one, Katanji went ballistic, taking to Twitter to excoriate both Tucker and the “gendered person” (it was a woman) who took the video as being “racist.”
The issue then quieted down for the Fourth of July weekend, with no one really having the energy to bicker about genitals and chromosomes in the sweltering sun and drunken stupor of the weekend, though Tucker did send her into overdrive by tweeting out a picture of President Biden and asking “is this a woman?”, a tweet that Katanji responded to with twenty seven images from her biology textbook from night school, but no actual answer about if Biden is a woman.