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Kevin McCarthy Furious He Might Not Be The One Who Gets to Let Down GOP Voters

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. 

    Kevin McCarthy is rip-roaring, raging mad right now. Why? Not necessarily because 19 of the more conservative GOP members of Congress voted against him, as he wouldn’t have cared about their dislike of him had 19 Democrats come over to his side. Nor was he even all that mad that he might not have the chance to finally wield the Speaker’s gavel and tell everyone what to do.

    Rather, Kevin “Is He a RINO or Not?” McCarthy is just upset that he won’t get to be the next in a long string of politicians that GOP voters put their faith in, only to be let down at the last minute in a crushing disappointment by a leadership class that obviously couldn’t care less about their wants or needs.

    Kevin, speaking about that with a CNN reporter, said “Well, I mean, look. What’s really going on here isn’t that I would or wouldn’t do something that these guys, those guys, or some other guys want. It’s not that they think the House could get a lot done without me or that anything of consequence will happen if, for example, Jim Jordan becomes Speaker of the House instead of me. Rather, what’s going on is that everyone wants to be the man of the moment that gets to be praised by and then let down the GOP base in a not so stunning betrayal.”

    “Excuse me,” the CNN reporter said. Even he was apparently shocked by both McCarthy’s willingness to expound on letting down the GOP and what that betrayal means, along with Kevin’s obvious attention all along to let the GOP down.

    “It’s not that hard to understand,” Kevin said. “I mean, what, you think we really think that we are going to be able to successfully impeach Joe Biden? No way. Obviously, that won’t happen. It just ain’t gonna. But we can all pretend it will. I can act like I’m going to fight hard for the voters, they can give money to my campaign and pretend like I and the GOP will do anything of even the slightest use to them. Of course, it won’t happen. Duh. But it’s great fun to pretend.”

    “So what were you going to let them down on?” the CNN reporter asked. “Abortion, guns, freedom of religion? Something else?”

    “Oh, all of it” Kevin responded. “We were going to pretend to fight for all that stuff, the real red meat that our voters care about, but then just ‘compromise’ with the Democrats on it and suffer a big defeat on gun laws, anti-groomer stuff, and the other culture war issues our voters care about in exchange for getting like a 2% tax cut for corporation.”

    “Why would you do that?” the reporter asked.

    “Because I’m a sociopath, as are pretty much all of my colleagues, and its fun to see what the voters will put up with” Kevin responded.


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