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KJP Demands Red States Make Abortion “Safe, Legal, and Common” during Press Briefing

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Biden’s Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, recently declared during the Thursday press briefing that red states need to make abortion access in their states “safe, legal, and frequent” and threatened military action if they didn’t comply.

    That came when one reported asked, “And then just another one. Are — is the administration planning for different contingencies as it relates to the case over the abortion pill, particularly as yesterday it seemed the judge — the judge seemed receptive to the argument that the pill is unsafe?

    Replying, KJP first tried to keep things somewhat restrained and reasonable, saying:

    So, I want to be careful here. I’m not going to get into any litigation that’s currently happening, get — stay out of — or put — say anything that might get in the way there.

    But this is about FDA’s authority to make its independent, evidence-based decision on drugs. This is what this is about.

    Decisions on what medication can be used in our country should not be determined in a court. They should be determined based on their safety, science, and the data.

    And so, the bottom line is that mifepristone is safe, and there’s no question about that. We know that because it’s been around for two decades. It’s in more than 60 countries across — across the globe, clearly. It is — it has been exhaustively shown to be safe, with real data on countless occasion, and it has been used in this country, again, for more than 20 years.

    So, we’ll wait for the next steps. I’m not going to get involved in what the judge said yesterday. We’re going to see where this goes. And — and we’re not going to say much more from here.

    But then she snapped out of the “being a reasonable and professional person” mindset and slid back into being a woke moron, so she went on a tirade against Republicans and red states for daring to limit abortion access somewhat after the Dobbs decision, saying:

    “You know what, never mind. I don’t believe that, that’s just what they told me to say. So lemme tell you what the real answer is: those damn red states and the racists in them better reverse course ASAP and make abortion safe, legal, and common, or President Biden is gonna do what President Zelensky is doing to Russia.”

    “What, lose because of a lack of resources and real support?” Fox News Channel’s White House correspondent Peter Doocy asked.

    “No,” KJP snapped, “Use every resource at our disposal to wipe them out for daring to disobey the liberal world order.”

    She then stormed off of the stage in a huff.

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