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Klaus Schwab Furious When Vegan Suggests Eating Plant-Based Bug Alternatives [SATIRE]

    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. 

    The night of 4/20 was a gloomy night for the WEF’s Klaus Schwab. Firing up his computer in the hope that yet another MSM outlet had published his essay on the necessity of eating grasshoppers rather than cows (for the lower and middle classes, of course, he ate a steak the night the wrote it), he saw something that horrified him, the one argument he’d been worried might crop up and that he had no idea how to counter. That idea? That we should not “eat ze bugs,” but instead eat soy-based bug alternatives.

    The article’s author, an anonymous vegan blogger who goes only by the name “Gaia”, suggested the soy-based, bug-looking snacks in an article titled “Why Murder Beetles? The Ethical Case for Soy-Based Bugs Instead”. In the article, “Gaia” said:

    Throughout his history, man has drawn a fine line between the “good” animals and the edible ones. Horses, dogs, and cats are (generally) viewed as the sort of animals that shouldn’t be eaten except in emergencies, whereas certain animals are slaughtered en masse to fill the bloodthirsty bellies of gluttons. I’m obviously against eating any of those.

    “But now we face a new threat. A certainly wealthy weirdo, some robe-wearing lunatic that hangs out with those jet-setting climate change hypocrites in the World Economic Forum, named Klaus Schwab has become famous for his idea that humanity must, in order to have a sustainable source of food, ‘eat ze bugs.’

    “Well, I’d like to raise an ethical point: if eating animals like pigs and chickens is wrong, and it certainly is, then why is eating grasshoppers and cockroaches any better? Why should we feel any better about ourselves for crunching down on land crustaceans when those blessed creatures have just as much a brain and soul as any man.

    “So, it’s with that in mind that I offer an alternative to Klaus’ plan: rather than ‘eating ze bugs,’ we must ‘eat ze soy.’ If you want to shape the soy like a cockroach, then that’s fine, just as it’s fine if you want to shape it like a burger or brick. Think of the grasshoppers: would you want to be eaten?

    Klaus, jumping over that whole point about souls and brains, was furious. He’d dedicated decades to ever so slowly unveiling his “Eat Ze Bugs” plan and wasn’t going to let it was away because of some tender-hearted vegan not having the stones to munch on a roach. So, he fired of some emails to friends in the agencies that definitely weren’t involved in killing Epstein for Prince Andrew, demanding that the article blog, and person disappear.

    Within hours, all were gone, and all that remained of “Gaia” and her soy-based bugs was a memory in Klaus’ mind, a memory he couldn’t manage to shake as he demanded the world switch to drinking bug juice.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Parler and Gettr.

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