NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It was an awkward moment at the White House press briefing on June 13th when KJP, herself black and a lesbian, proudly announced that Biden would be pushing Juneteenth again this year, something that many conservative commentators claim is an attempt to replace the Fourth of July with a “diverse” holiday. Only this time, it wasn’t the right that ruined the party. Rather, it was a collection of gay journalists, all of whom are on the left, that lost it when KJP started her press briefing with a diversity issue rather than yet another homage to Pride Month and ridiculous claim that gays are still oppressed in America.
That came at the very beginning of KJP’s speech, when she said:
Okay. So, we’re going to get to it. This evening, the President will welcome community leaders, lawmakers, students, educators, and hundreds of others to the White House for a historic Juneteenth celebration concert on the South Lawn. You probably are hearing a little bit of the soundcheck right now.
In 2021, President Biden signed bipartisan legislation establishing Juneteenth as the nation’s newest federal holiday since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day nearly four decades ago. Establishing Juneteenth as a federal holiday was only the beginning of the Biden-Harris administration’s efforts to ensure that America lives up to its highest ideals.
Since taking office, a couple of things that the President has been able to accomplish is: created a federal government that reflects the diversity of America; strengthened the—
That’s when KJP was cut off by the angry mob of gay and lesbian reporters, all of whom had ripped off their suits and pantsuits to reveal leather BDSM gear underneath. “Strengthened what, Karine, anti-gay sentiment? Bigotry against gay people? Homophobia and transphobia? Because that’s all I’m hearing from you with this announcement about Juneteenth instead of Pride Month and how Republicans hate gay people,” a reporter wearing an unspeakably revealing outfit shouted.
“Now listen hear, Ramone,” KJP began. “Though I’m black, I’m also a lesbian woman. Republicans hate me too, for my perfectly natural and respectable desires, just as gay sex is natural and respectable and gender-affirming care that includes the removal of genitals and provision of puberty blockers to two year olds is perfectly natural and respectable. So I hear you when you say that transphobia, homophobia, and all other forms of anti-LGBTQIAAAAAAQZXCFVDSBGTDSDSDSDSETRPP+ bigotry are bad things. I agree. But this day you’re so against, Juneteenth, is a special day for the black community, as it represents our being lifted up from slavery, though there was still a very far ways to go with Civil Rights. So I need you to respect that.”
Ramone did not respect that. “We’re not celebrating anything not gay AF in June” Ramone shouted, with the others joining in and yelling as they turned the press briefing into a circus, much to KJP’s dismay. Instead of handling it, however, she just walked off the stage.