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Liz Warren’s Tomahawk Taken Away for Safety Reasons after Her Public Meltdown

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Liz Warren, or as Trump called her, Pocahontas, had a bit of a meltdown about abortion outside of the Supreme Court the other day. Unable to keep it together or keep it professional, she went completely and utterly berserk.

    And, unfortunately for Pocahontas, every bit of her insane meltdown was caught on camera, with numerous leftists filming the spectacle thinking that they were raising awareness for the cause or otherwise being helpful in doing so.

    But, in fact, they weren’t being helpful to Liz. Not at all, in fact. Why? Because of one congressman: Dan Crenshaw.

    Crenshaw, you see, has long been in favor of red flag laws, seeing them as one of those “common sense” gun laws that politicians love, voters hate, and he can insist he doesn’t support even though he actually kinda does and then make you feel uncomfortable if you criticize him by bringing up his military service and asking why you are being disrespectful to everyone that fought for freedom by fighting on the side of child rapists in Afghanistan.

    He, sensing an opportunity to get the less informed Republican voters on his side and willing to sign up for supporting his un-American red flag laws, decided to use Liz as a case in point as to why they are necessary and then take her tomahawk to show how the laws work.

    So, he, livestreaming the whole thing and framing it as a “wreck the libs” event, went to a psychologist, had the psychologist watch the video of Liz and call her crazy, got the cops to sign onto his red flag warrant, and then showed up in his military gear to take down Pocahontas’ office and take her tomahawk.

    Pocahontas, remembering the suffering of her people, wasn’t having it. She, still with her blood pressure well above where it should be because of how upset she was, went on the “warpath.”

    Busting out of her office as she watched Crenshaw play army in the hallway, she quickly scalped him, or at least attempted to (she didn’t really seem to understand the concept, so really just gave him a bad haircut while he shouted Conservative, Inc slogans like some sort of hex and called for Karl Rove to help him), and then ran off.

    Chased by the police, she ended up at the Washington National’s stadium, where she delivered a long, winding rant from the pitcher’s mound before being tackled and carried away by the Capitol police, who had somehow managed to follow her all that way.

    Trump, posting about the incident on Truth Social, said “No wonder Crenshaw couldn’t do it! Not even liberals are crazy enough to want those red flag laws, much less have some RINO serve one! Soon we won’t have to worry about this anymore #DARKMAGA!”

    Crenshaw could not be reached for comment, as he was self-conscious about losing a battle to a raging septuagenarian, particularly since the whole incident was livestreamed.

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