NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things went from angry to awkward in the Biden White House on late Tuesday night when hackers (the CIA, NSA, DIA, FBI, and “Grey Fox” Special Forces Intelligence Unit all immediately declared the hackers to be Russian though independent cybersecurity professionals declared the hackers to be Chinese) got into the White House Twitter account and started sharing some hilarious memes and videos.
First came random memes making fun of Trump voters, with the hackers posting about seven memes painting all Trump supporters as hicks and inbred country rubes setting the internet alight and causing quite a bit of outrage directed Biden’s way. What made things worse was that Hillary Clinton, Obama, and 17 current and former flag officers and intelligence agency heads retweeted all 7 of the anti-GOP memes, shedding yet more light on what the elite thinks of those who didn’t go to Ivy League schools and then work made up internet jobs or cushy government jobs for their whole lives.
Then, sending things from bad to worse was the next thing that the hackers shared, which was a video of Hunter Biden engaging in…”consensual activities” with a Russian prostitute, bragging about how his dad has used government funds to pay for the evening as a reward for sending “The Big Guy” a massive check.
That did two things. On one hand, it made things very tense and uncomfortable within the White House, as it meant that Biden found out Hunter had used his reward money for a Russian prostitute and saw his son in bed with someone for 20 minutes. Apparently, neither Joe nor Hunter said a word at dinner and Dr. Jill Biden was too embarrassed to show up.
Mayor Pete then criticized Hunter Biden for being “homophobic” and only hiring female prostitutes, which set off a firestorm inside the White House as the different interests and factions started fighting over whether the prostitution thing was worse or that Hunter isn’t gay.
Republicans have so far stuck to making fun of Hunter for the video, though few have done what is really necessary and pledged to investigate Biden for providing government funds to his son that were then used on prostitutes. Some are pledging to impeach him, though Mitch McConnell has declared that “principle” means Republicans shouldn’t get involved in such tawdry issues.
Trump then started viciously attacking Sen. McConnell for that, claiming that McConnell’s response to the problem at hand showed that “he is a loser that either doesn’t know how to win or doesn’t want to.”
McConnell didn’t respond despite the taunting and Hunter Biden stayed quiet too, so the issue has mostly died down on Wednesday other than in corners of the far-left, where debate rages on if Hunter is a homophobe for not liking men, and on the far-right, which actually wants to use the issue to deal with Hunter.