NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
With his Twitter deal on pause given the bot issue and the decline in Tesla’s share price due to the Biden disaster causing a market meltdown, Elon’s been looking for another project to throw his money at and hinted that it might take the form of turning around something significantly less valuable than Twitter: the hell hole that is Chicago.
He announced as much on Twitter in what was probably a troll (though it’s hard to tell with him), Elon first posted a meme of an armored personnel carrier painted like a school bus and said “Time to send kids to school in Chiraq! Thank goodness Lori Lightfoot stopped cops from chasing criminals!”
Then commenting on that post in the form of a Twitter thread, one which received 100k likes and tens of thousands of comments, with people bickering and screaming about how “racist” the meme was, Elon said that he would like to buy Chicago and turn it around, saying:
“Chicago used to be a beautiful city. Just look at the photos from the World’s Fair! It was stunning and prosperous, a truly majestic city back in the day. But, since then, a shift has happened in the city, one as disturbing as it is obvious.
“Rather than fighting for the right of law-abiding citizens to live free from criminal predations and giving them the social stability necessary for a city and the businesses within it to prosper, Chicago has made it impossible for citizens of the city to defend themselves while giving a free hand to the criminal gangs that effectively run the city.
“Thugs shoot each other, sell drugs, and prey on average people while the police do nothing, largely thanks to the “leadership” of such horrible people as Lori Lightfoot. Such are the wages of Democrat “governance.” Well no more!
“No, now I’m going to buy Chicago too and turn it around, unlocking value in the city by cracking down on criminals and making its streets safe again. They might even be so safe you could drive a Telsa in them without being carjacked!”
The thread started a massive fight on Twitter, with leftists claiming that Elon was racist and pledging to “genocide black people”, to which Elon responded that he’d only spoken of gangs and that they must be the ones associating gangs with blacks.
Others bickered over whether Chicago was even worth saving, arguing that Elon should spend his money on starting the city of the future in Texas instead and ensuring that it had very safe streets. Elon described that idea as “intriguing”, but also said he would be willing to pay $20 billion for the city, which he described as “more than fair given the crime problem”, in a follow up tweet, so what he is actually planning on is unclear.