NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
According to a source within the White House, things got more than a tad awkward over the weekend when Biden, who for some reason insisted on watching college football rather than attending to his duties as president, decided to start chanting along with the crowd.
At first, it was just weird as Biden was half-chanting, half-mumbling the wrong cheers whenever the crowd started going wild, his last few functional neurons trying to do their very best to remember whatever the cheers were circa 1793 when Biden was a young man.
That went predictably poorly, with most of what came out of Biden’s mouth being nothing more than gibberish. Dr. Jill, already annoyed at having to sit around and watch such a plebeian sport, ignored that her senile husband was, despite being wrong in what he was chanting, having a good time, and snapped at him to shut up.
Joe Biden, who many within the White House suspect thinks that Jill is his nurse and that’s why she insists on going by “Dr.”, looked crestfallen but, according to our source, kept quiet and stopped chanting gibberish at the television.
But he kept mouthing the slogans to himself, which got awkward when a crowd of kids started one of the FJB chants that were so popular and prevalent last year.
Biden had no idea what it or the “Let’s go Brandon” chanted by other parts of the crowd meant, but he apparently yelled “hey, I remember this one!” before starting to mouth and mumble it to himself as the rest of the people watching the game with him just hung their heads in resigned frustration and waited for him to stop.
The Secret Service agents, though they generally like Biden because he’s a nice guy to them personally (Dr. Jill is reportedly almost as insufferable as Hillary Clinton), had trouble not bursting out into laughter at the sight of the senile President mumbling “Let’s go Brandon” and “FJB” without realizing what he was saying as his closest advisors and family members sat around, too uncomfortable with the situation to tell him what he was saying.
One of the agents, according to our source, decided that enough was enough and distracted the president, offering to take him to the White House beer fridge so he could select what he wanted to sip on for the second half of the game. Excited for a chance to get away from his nurse and “hang out with the guys,” Biden scrambled off of the couch, looking more athletic than anyone had seen him in years, and rushed off to the beer fridge. He reportedly chose a Miller Light almost immediately, but chose to stick around by the fridge for a while rather than returning to his unpleasant nurse and the “tall crackhead” (his son, Hunter).