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Mayor Pete Promises Ohio Water is Safe, But Then Refuses to Take a Sip Of It

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. 

    Team Biden wants you to believe that the train wreck in Ohio that ended up releasing phosgene gas when the vinyl chloride the train was carrying was set on fire isn’t a big deal. That one of the worst chemical spills in recent history, if not American history, is already all cleaned up and there’s nothing to worry about.

    The EPA, for example, said in a statement that “U.S. EPA continues to conduct air monitoring throughout the East Palestine community. Air monitoring since the fire went out has not detected any levels of concern in the community that can be attributed to the incident at this time.”

    The EPA also told Fox News Digital that:

    “Health agencies and the fire department made the determination for residents to return home. EPA provided air monitoring data to health agencies and the local fire department to help make this decision.”

    “EPA is assisting the voluntary residential indoor air screening offered by Norfolk Southern.The home screening effort was designed based on information provided by health agencies. EPA air monitoring devices used for indoor air screening include instruments that can detect to vinyl chloride and other chemicals of concern from the derailment.”

    A local hazardous materials expert was less sanguine about the current situation, however, saying:

    “We basically nuked a town with chemicals so we could get a railroad open.

    “I was surprised when they quickly told the people they can go back home, but then said if they feel like they want their homes tested they can have them tested. I would’ve far rather they did all the testing.

    “There’s a lot of what ifs, and we’re going to be looking at this thing 5, 10, 15, 20 years down the line and wondering, ‘Gee, cancer clusters could pop up, you know, well water could go bad.”

    Mayor Pete, however, decided to push the EPA talking point, claiming that everything was back to being safe and that the residents of East Palestine, Ohio should “get back to celebrating black history month and stop distracting from the lived experiences of people of color in the area and around the nation, as focusing on them is more important than a simple train wreck.”

    A resident of the town, however, stumped Mayor Pete, Biden’s Transportation Secretary, with a simple request. “Hey Mr. Buttigieg,” the East Palestine resident said on Twitter, “I have an idea. How about how come hang out in the town for a week and so and only use its water. Shower in it, drink it, water your yard in it, let your kids swim in it. Spend some time in the water and ingesting the water and see if you’re still so confindent in how safe things are.”

    Mayor Pete refused, saying that the request was “homophobic” and “trauma-causing to genderfluid people of color on Twitter.”

    By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1

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