NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Why did Biden decide to cancel $9 billion in student loan debt? Well, one reason is that he wanted to bribe young people, those generally disappointed in his presidency and burdened by the rising costs created by Bidenflation. The other reason is that he said it will give them more money to spend on getting trans surgeries.
Such was announced in his “explainer” press release on the program. Beginning it and describing who would be impacted by the forgiveness plan, the dimwitted president said:
President Biden has long believed that college should be a ticket to the middle class, not a burden that weighs on families. That’s why from day one, his Administration has taken unprecedented steps to fix the broken student loan system, make college more affordable, and bring the promise of higher education in reach for more Americans.
Marking a key step forward in that effort, President Biden is announcing that an additional 125,000 Americans have been approved for $9 billion in debt relief through fixes his Administration has made to income-driven repayment (IDR) and Public Service Loan Forgiveness, and by cancelling debt for borrowers with total and permanent disabilities. Today’s announcement brings the total approved debt cancellation by the Biden-Harris Administration to $127 billion for nearly 3.6 million Americans.
Today’s announcement builds on all that the Biden-Harris Administration has done to make college more affordable and ensure that student loans aren’t a barrier to opportunity for students and families. The Biden-Harris Administration earlier this year launched the most affordable student loan repayment plan – SAVE – which makes many borrowers’ monthly payments as low as $0 and prevents balances from growing because of unpaid interest. The Administration secured the largest increase to Pell Grants in a decade, and finalized new rules to protect borrowers from career programs that leave graduates with unaffordable debts or insufficient earnings. And, in the wake of the Supreme Court decision on the Administration’s original student debt relief plan, President Biden announced his Administration was pursuing an alternative path to debt relief through negotiated rulemaking under the Higher Education Act.
Biden, after reading that off, added, “And look, a bunch of this is going to some very fine folks. Particularly teachers. Why should those teaching the young kids have to pay loans? That’s just terrible, Jack. No bueno, that’s for sure.”
“So, look, we’re fixing it. We’re fighting back the rising levels of debt. We’re gonna help. And look, I’m talking about teachers Jack. We have data showing that 34% of them would get a transgender…errr, gender-affirming surgery, you know with all the snipping and whatever, if they could afford it. But they can’t! Because of loans. So we’re fixing that so teachers can get the transgender…err, gender-affirming, surgeries that they need to be happy and effectively teach the next generation how to be proper Americans. So that’s what we’re fighting for, Jack!”