In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through high schools and TikTok circles nationwide, the nation’s teenagers were left utterly flabbergasted to learn that the ancient constitutional relic known as ‘Free Speech’ actually permits individuals to harbor and express opinions that may not align with their own. This discovery has led to an epidemic of confusion, with many young citizens questioning the very fabric of reality.
“I just can’t even,” stated Madison, a local high school influencer and part-time social justice warrior. “I thought free speech was just for supporting my views on veganism and cancelling people who still use plastic straws. Knowing that others can disagree is, like, literally an attack on my existence.”
The panic ensued when a history teacher, daring to deviate from the standard curriculum of emojis and TikTok dance histories, introduced the First Amendment to a classroom. The room fell into chaos as students grappled with the notion that freedom of expression applies universally, not just to those who follow the same 50 influencers.
As the news spreads, teenagers across the nation are reportedly holding emergency TikTok live sessions to discuss how to cope with this newfound challenge to their worldviews. Rumors have it that a coalition of teen influencers is planning a nationwide “silent” protest, where they vow to only communicate through subtweets and passive-aggressive memes, thereby exercising their free speech in the only way they know how – ironically.