Note: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things got awkward for the White House on Tuesday when one Internet activist, scrolling through videos of the anti-life protests outside Kavanaugh’s house from the night before noticed who it was that tossed the first molotov cocktail at the justice’s house, which had fortunately been evacuated earlier in the day.
The internet activist, who goes simply by the name “@slimelord12” on Twitter, posted a still from the photo with the caption “looks like Slow Joe wandered into a protest.”
Biden, in the screengrab image, looked frightened and confused, with a black-clad protester handing him the incendiary bomb to throw at the house.
Slimelord12, when asked for a comment on his discovery, had this to say:
“Well, I was doing my usual 3 am doomscrolling and noticed something weird: it looked like an old guy had showed up at the protest.
“Now, I didn’t know it was Biden at first. That took a bit of zooming, screenshotting, and repixelation. Difficult stuff. But, it did seem weird that it wasn’t just 30-year-old roasties and bitter boomer divorcees that had shown up to protest, so I put in the work to find out what was going on.
“And it was Joe Biden himself! Can you believe it? Who the hell let him show up to a riot with incendiary bombs? That’s the real question. I mean, where the hell was the Secret Service? Anyway, it’s 10 am, so time for me to finally crash.”
Slimelord12 does bring up a good point about the Secret Service seemingly keeping Joe on far too short of a leash, though Psaki refused to comment on that aspect of the situation during her daily briefing.
Rather, she got in a fight, as is usual now, with FNC’s Peter Doocy about the propriety of the president showing up to such a violent protest. When Doocy pressed her, she did her normal evasion, but eventually felt compelled to give something approaching a real answer and so said:
“Well, Peter, I’d like to remind you that the protest was mostly peaceful. Only 7 firebombs were thrown and there were hundreds of people there, so it was far from a “riot” or “violent.” It was just ordinary Americans showing up to a judge’s house in the middle of the night with torches, pitchforks, and firebombs to make their voices heard.
“So no, I don’t see anything wrong with the president being there, nor does the rest of the administration. Further, I think your depiction of it as a riot is racist.”
She then refused to elaborate, though she did try to pass off Biden’s throw of the firebomb by saying that he was simply training for throwing the opening day pitch next year and was confused about what he had been handed, thinking it was a baseball for him to practice with. Given Biden’s mental state, that part of the explanation could very well be more true than we’d like to believe, unfortunately.